Train 120 Health & Human Rights promoters in Kenya

Dear Partner and Friend

Meet Jones from Rigoma Ward, Nyamira county. He is in the mid-50s. He wishes his wife could have more kids. However, it is too risky. After the delivery of his second son, his wife almost died. Up to now, he says he does not know how his family pulled through such devastating moments.   He made peace with the decision that he would only have two children. He wanted at least five-just like most of his peers. He can. But he will not. It is too risky. This time, he may lose her, and he cannot imagine a life without his better half. All this time, he never knew the reason for his wife having to give birth through caesarean section two consecutive times. Now he knows. It is because of the monster FGM.   Jones is among the 30 male participants who were trained on the health effects of FGM on women and girls which occurred between 24th and 27th in Rigoma and Manga, Nyamira County.

‘As I sat down listening to your teachings, I found myself thinking about painful moments that my wife and I have gone through in the course of our marriage. She had two smooth pregnancies. However, when the time for delivery came, on both occasions, the doctor insisted that she had to go through CS. Because of FGM, she had low chances of having safe deliveries.’

FGM is going down…

There is no doubt that because of anti-FGM advocacy efforts conducted by HFAW is making impacts among the Abagusii community. Going by the high number of men and women publicly proclaiming to ending FGM and committing to take individual responsibility for the same, FGM is about to become a thing of the past.

‘Before this training, I was convinced that when my last born daughter is old enough, she will have to undergo FGM. For a long time, I have considered myself a custodian of culture. However, knowing how and what is done to young, innocent girls in the name of our culture, I regret allowing my first born daughter to go through it and I will never allow another girl to be a victim. I have now become a protector of women and girls. I will mobilize other fathers to do the same’, says Richard.

How fathers are making up for allowing FGM to go on for so long…

Just like Jones, Richard did not know that FGM was harmful to girls and women. He says that he cannot describe what his older daughters experienced. Fathers and daughters rarely discuss such topics. The girls were told that they were just going to visit their grandmother. He and his wife knew that they would be cut. When the girls came back, he never cared to ask them about it. Now he wishes he did.

‘I regret that they had to go through what I have seen. I can only hope that they forgive me. If not for anything, maybe for my ignorance on the psychological and physical effects of FGM. I plan to make it up to them. If not for anything, maybe to salvage the respect and love they accord to me as their father’, Richard remorsefully adds.

The reactions of Jones and Richard are a representation of the feedback we received from the participants during the men’s training. We are hopeful that the next survey by the Kenya Demographic Health Survey will show a significant decrease in the prevalence of FGM in Nyamira and Kisii. Had we not been facing the challenges of mobilizing for resources, we would survey within the regions as HFAW, which would help us to quantitate the impact we have made through your support.

Dear friend and partner, thank you for choosing to walk this journey of transforming the lives of girls and women in our community. Through your support, more girls from the Abagusii are assured of achieving their dreams. Kindly share with your friends and family so that they can know about our work.

Links:

• Jones' testimonial, on how FGM has affected his wife.

Dear Friends and Partners

Our latest strategy to end FGM has been focused on men involvement. We have discovered that men blindly support FGM and more so keep hands off in an assumption that FGM is a woman’s issue. Men in Kisii often argue that it is the women who cut girls so, we should focus on women.  Our previous conversations with women reveal that women bear this painful act because the men have not agreed to end it. The men still prefer cut women as they believe that these women are more submissive and more “respectable.”  In our opinion respect here means women who cannot question men’s authority even when men do things which they should be held to account such as having extra marital affairs.

During our men’s trainings we discussed topics such as  human rights, domestic violence, the root causes of FGM, the health consequences of FGM, how FGM affects sexual and intimate relationships and sometimes lead to family break-ups, living with FGM survivors, and children’s rights to mention a few. A highly participatory training reaching over 53 men in one week confirmed to us that indeed men will listen and will end FGM if they can be well involved on what FGM really is. Those men who took this training made profound discoveries. As an example, here is what Mugendi, not his real name, said:

 “My name is Makori, a husband and father of two. There are things you have shared that are profoundly true in my own home. My wife has suffered in ways that are difficult to describe. Of course like many women in this village she went through the cut. I am shocked. I have understood why my wife went through excess pain during childbirth, her constant pain during intimacy, and so she is in constant painkillers. I thought I was going to lose her. We stopped at to children because of these challenges. She often complains of feeling pain inside her hips. Today I have understood her. Probably the pain emanated from people sitting on her during FGM causing some dislocations.  Probably the cut interfered with her genitalia. Hence she experienced excess pain and took long to heal after birth. I am so shocked. I cannot allow my daughter, cousin or any other person’s daughter to undergo FGM. You have impacted me with knowledge that I can use to bring change to our community.”

When we discussed gender based violence, the facilitator explained that rape, and even in marriage is a serious violence to a woman. Men laughed because they did not see how you can rape your wife. The facilitator explained what rape means. Isaac explained much to a big round of applause from the entire room that “She will never agree to it (meaning sex) unless I force her.” That almost all men agreed that that is how intimate life happens in their homes did not surprise us having heard these from the women.

What was so important is the discovery by men that “I did not know that FGM has a lot do to with what is going on in our bedrooms” said Isaac. In addition, men wanted to know how to deal with survivors of FGM. Thomas asked, “How can I make my wife share with me this issues you have shared.” To which our survivor facilitator responded that “yes, we can talk, we can have fulfilling sexual lives if only you as our husbands can be patient, gentle and supportive with the knowledge that a cut woman takes longer to get her sexual satisfaction.” Men continued to clap their hands and verbally made commitment to join the anti-FGM movement in Kisii community.

 Friends, you have been instrumental in empowering and protecting girls and women through supporting trainings like this one.  We appeal to you not to relent. Help us raise resources that will sustain the team in reaching out to more men in the community.