Help a family heal after the death of a baby

The year started out with great hopes for better healing experiences amidst a global pandemic. We had adapted to the new way of life and our core objectives in Perinatal and Maternal Mental Health were still standing strong, firmed up by the dynamics of the season.

Through the past six months of the year, we have been able to offer psycho-social support to 200 families and individuals. Families hailing from different parts of the country, continent and the other parts of the world.

Below is a breakdown of monthly sessions offered:

• January- 30
• February- 27
• March- 43
• April- 39
• May- 30
• June- 31

Most of the sessions conducted addressed presenting cases of Grief, Complicated Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and Psychological Trauma. COVID-19 has still been a significant trigger as most families are battling with grief, health complications and anxiety. It’s encouraging to see our community reaching out for support and we still keep our hopes high for a better mentally healthy community and nation at large.

Apart from Psycho-social support, we have been facilitating our social media engagement with the aim of offering psycho-educative content, support and advocacy. Our Facebook support groups are growing at a very high rate. We are glad to have a safe space for bereaved parents to support each other from wherever they are especially at such a time with COVID-19 limitations.

Through our advocacy efforts in the space of Maternal and Perinatal Mental Health, we were privileged to partner with International Stillbirth Alliance, Partnership of Maternal, Newborn and Child Health and London School of Tropical Medicine and Hygiene, in a project aimed to empower families who have experienced stillbirths in advocacy work to address the current challenges associated with preventable and unpreventable stillbirths, Mental health of the families and Bereavement support.

Advocacy has also entailed periodic media interviews raising awareness on Maternal Mental Health and Perinatal Grief Management.

Below are stories of two of our constituents supported during the year.

Ess*

On 4^th of August 2020, I was 8 months pregnant with my second born. My first born is alive and well he was born on September 20^th 2017. I remember that day, I woke up with painful uterus, I tried pain killers but nothing helped. We went with my husband for an ultrasound and that’s when I was told that I had a placenta bleed and there was no fetal heart rate. My life came to a standstill. I am a doctor, I had been so busy and stressed during the pregnancy guess I didn’t notice the signs of pre-eclampsia, I was so puffy, headaches and all my pressures were ranging in the normal so that’s why I was alerted. Well the painful process of induction was started after I was admitted in Mombasa Hospital. I delivered my baby girl angel sleeping at 9pm, she was one kg, the most beautiful baby has ever seen.

I was so confused tried to crack this mystery as a doctor I had all the questions and answers. My husband was very supportive but I guess he was fighting his own battle too. When I felt I was not connecting with my husband and no one understood me. My relatives said I should get another baby. Someone told me to stop crying over the dead that I should let her be and rest in peace. I blamed myself a lot, I was depressed. I had seen Still A Mum on Facebook and decided to reach out. The counselling experience was very supportive and encouraging. I felt like a breath of fresh air. It was just what I needed. People understood me and didn’t judge me. The ladies in the support group shared my journey.

Through the WhatsApp support group, I gained support. The sessions helped me find myself in the darkness. The counselors are still my friends and so approachable. To me Still A Mum is home. I am well now; I still grieve but I grieve while thanking God for all. God has been so good to me. The low moments come and go. I think of my baby still. But I am okay, because I have a place to go when it gets bad. Home is Still A Mum.

Rehema*

I conceived my third baby in June 2020 and the discovery was the best news to my husband, our 2 sons and I. The pregnancy progressed well. On Thursday 27th November 2020, I got home after work feeling very exhausted and sickly. All I wanted to take some rest and from the moment I got into my room, hell broke loose. I raptured and by the time I got to hospital, nothing could be done to preserve my baby.

From the moment my doctor interpreted the ultrasound results, I was a ball of emotions. The erratic emotions persisted. I developed bitterness towards some people whom I felt were not authentic. I was highly irritable and impatient and would yell at my sons every so often. There were days I would not to leave my room.

A friend had mentioned to me about Still A Mum in one of her visits after I was discharged from hospital. At first, I didn't think therapy would be necessary for me. However, all these changes in my behavior made me feel like I was a totally different person all together. I am generally a happy-go-lucky kind of person but smiling became such a task for me and I avoided people.

My first visit to Still A Mum was unplanned. I was in between work meetings and before I could head for my second meeting, I took a detour and headed straight to Still a Mum, I was losing myself and wanted the happy people's Rehema back. I had an unplanned meeting with Diana who briefed me on the requirements and we scheduled our first session.

All I remember about that first therapy session was a lot of crying. I think I cried throughout the session, by the time I left Diana's office my eyes were swollen. The second and third session I did most of the talking with a few tears in between. Diana was very easy to talk to and she made me feel normal once again. The therapy put my motions into perspective. I was able to define clearly what I had gone through and what I was still going through. I became more alert about myself which in turn helped me to be more deliberate on how I conducted myself.

I have come a long way indeed. My family and close friends can attest to this. I am less bitter with people; I show up at functions and just last weekend I was able to host a party for my first son. Still A Mum helped me to get myself back. Thank you very much, be blessed.

The year 2020 ended quite well with 101 families trusting us to journey with them during the fourth quarter. With the weight of the pandemic still weighing heavily in our hearts, it was encouraging to resume physical sessions as most people started embracing physical meetings while adhering to the necessary precautions.  

Below is a breakdown of the clients supported during the fourth quarter:

• October- 43
• November- 31
• December- 27

We journeyed with families hailing from different parts of the country and the continent. Being a bereavement support organization, we managed various psychological issues such as grief, complicated grief, depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress syndrome. It was very encouraging to have dads attend some of the sessions with their wives. We continue to encourage the men in our community to embrace therapy when overwhelmed by grief because the truth of the matter, most men suffer in silence and the societal pressures aren’t making it any better for them.

Apart from psycho-social support, our community has continued to grow on our social media platforms. We invested in periodic content creation to empower, educate and advocate for the rights of the bereaved. October was specifically a very significant month as it usually marks the month where we create awareness on pregnancy and infant loss. This is a time where we bring our members together by encouraging each family to plant a tree to commemorate the loss of their babies gone too soon. Last year we did it differently as we encouraged our members to individually plant a tree at their homes or preferred locations due to the current COVID-19 pandemic.

Our highlight for the 4^th quarter was partnering with World Health Organization, UNICEF, World Bank, International Stillbirth Alliance and many other reputable organizations in the first ever global event -The United Nations Inter-Agency Group for Child Mortality Estimation (UN IGME) to discuss the global statistics for stillbirths and the ways of ending preventable stillbirths. This was an opportunity to allow the voices of the bereaved families to be heard and to encourage the different health sectors to put policies in place so as to reduce the overwhelming figure of preventable stillbirths happening globally in a year.

Below are stories of amazing constituents that we’ve journeyed with:  

Vivian*

I had a preeclampsia state of pregnancy where the high blood pressure escalated to a highest reading of 168/107 at week 28. It was a normal pregnancy for me running through to week 28 when the pressure was too high and follow up clinic at week 30 everything was steady but due to the effects of pressure the baby's growth had begun to decline which was just alarming.

At week 32 during my normal clinic visits going to Ultra sound room unfortunately we had lost the baby. There was no heartbeat nor movement and the fetus was collapsing due to the detachment of the placenta. It was the hardest moment for me but by the Grace of God I was able to go through the labor and delivery process. We are so grateful for setups where professional counseling has been taken up especially guiding through these mums to understand, go through the process, the various stages of grief and eventually come to a point of acceptance and just have the will and strength to try again. We are happy we have such foundations like Still A Mum and every time we look back at the journey it has become so bearable. We still are hopeful and we trust that God shall be faithful to bless the fruit of our womb yet again.

Ann*

When I learnt that I was expecting a baby in April last year, I was very excited and overjoyed. I would finally be a mother as I had been waiting patiently to conceive. My spouse was over the roof with joy and we thanked God for this gift.

Little did I know that this would change in a short while. Late April, at only 5wks I started spotting and was rushed to the hospital for a checkup. A scan was done and everything was okay I just needed to take care of myself a little bit more.

The pregnancy progressed well and at around 8 weeks in May, the worst happened. On 14th of May, I started spotting and this time it got intense, the back pain got worse. I rushed to the hospital and the doctor diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage, I was prescribed bedrest for a month. A scan was done and I even got to see the baby and listen to the heart beat. I was relieved.

On arriving home, I ate and rested as advised. On 15th May early in the morning, the cramps intensified and the back pain was unbearable little did I know that I was in labor. I prayed to God to save my baby, but on arrival to the hospital 3 hours later my cervix had already dilated and a miscarriage was diagnosed. When the sonographer did that scan and I saw nothing in my womb, that broke my heart. I had labored my baby, that was the worst day of my life. I hated myself for this.

From that day onwards, I wanted to die. I hated God, my spouse, my job and everyone else. I stayed in the house for a week and could not talk to people. Almost 3 weeks later I realized that I could not continue like that, I had to get support and learn how to cope. That's when I reached out to my HR and she connected me with Diana from Still A Mum.

The experience was very informative and I got to share my most inner thoughts with a person who strived to understand and empathize with me. That really gave me hope that I could go on even after the uneventful loss of my baby. I even got do share other events in my life that may have contributed to me being so angry and spiteful of myself. During the 6 sessions, I got to learn how to better deal with my emotions and that it's okay to grieve. My biggest lesson is that, even after loss we learn how to cope and that it's okay to let go of the pain. It's like a wave and it will always subside at some point.

I have now learnt how to cope and manage my emotions better. I’m happy and grateful to God that he has blessed my womb once more, I look forward to enjoying this pregnancy journey and also helping others who have had the same experience.