Help a family heal after the death of a baby

The year 2020 ended quite well with 101 families trusting us to journey with them during the fourth quarter. With the weight of the pandemic still weighing heavily in our hearts, it was encouraging to resume physical sessions as most people started embracing physical meetings while adhering to the necessary precautions.  

Below is a breakdown of the clients supported during the fourth quarter:

• October- 43
• November- 31
• December- 27

We journeyed with families hailing from different parts of the country and the continent. Being a bereavement support organization, we managed various psychological issues such as grief, complicated grief, depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress syndrome. It was very encouraging to have dads attend some of the sessions with their wives. We continue to encourage the men in our community to embrace therapy when overwhelmed by grief because the truth of the matter, most men suffer in silence and the societal pressures aren’t making it any better for them.

Apart from psycho-social support, our community has continued to grow on our social media platforms. We invested in periodic content creation to empower, educate and advocate for the rights of the bereaved. October was specifically a very significant month as it usually marks the month where we create awareness on pregnancy and infant loss. This is a time where we bring our members together by encouraging each family to plant a tree to commemorate the loss of their babies gone too soon. Last year we did it differently as we encouraged our members to individually plant a tree at their homes or preferred locations due to the current COVID-19 pandemic.

Our highlight for the 4^th quarter was partnering with World Health Organization, UNICEF, World Bank, International Stillbirth Alliance and many other reputable organizations in the first ever global event -The United Nations Inter-Agency Group for Child Mortality Estimation (UN IGME) to discuss the global statistics for stillbirths and the ways of ending preventable stillbirths. This was an opportunity to allow the voices of the bereaved families to be heard and to encourage the different health sectors to put policies in place so as to reduce the overwhelming figure of preventable stillbirths happening globally in a year.

Below are stories of amazing constituents that we’ve journeyed with:  

Vivian*

I had a preeclampsia state of pregnancy where the high blood pressure escalated to a highest reading of 168/107 at week 28. It was a normal pregnancy for me running through to week 28 when the pressure was too high and follow up clinic at week 30 everything was steady but due to the effects of pressure the baby's growth had begun to decline which was just alarming.

At week 32 during my normal clinic visits going to Ultra sound room unfortunately we had lost the baby. There was no heartbeat nor movement and the fetus was collapsing due to the detachment of the placenta. It was the hardest moment for me but by the Grace of God I was able to go through the labor and delivery process. We are so grateful for setups where professional counseling has been taken up especially guiding through these mums to understand, go through the process, the various stages of grief and eventually come to a point of acceptance and just have the will and strength to try again. We are happy we have such foundations like Still A Mum and every time we look back at the journey it has become so bearable. We still are hopeful and we trust that God shall be faithful to bless the fruit of our womb yet again.

Ann*

When I learnt that I was expecting a baby in April last year, I was very excited and overjoyed. I would finally be a mother as I had been waiting patiently to conceive. My spouse was over the roof with joy and we thanked God for this gift.

Little did I know that this would change in a short while. Late April, at only 5wks I started spotting and was rushed to the hospital for a checkup. A scan was done and everything was okay I just needed to take care of myself a little bit more.

The pregnancy progressed well and at around 8 weeks in May, the worst happened. On 14th of May, I started spotting and this time it got intense, the back pain got worse. I rushed to the hospital and the doctor diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage, I was prescribed bedrest for a month. A scan was done and I even got to see the baby and listen to the heart beat. I was relieved.

On arriving home, I ate and rested as advised. On 15th May early in the morning, the cramps intensified and the back pain was unbearable little did I know that I was in labor. I prayed to God to save my baby, but on arrival to the hospital 3 hours later my cervix had already dilated and a miscarriage was diagnosed. When the sonographer did that scan and I saw nothing in my womb, that broke my heart. I had labored my baby, that was the worst day of my life. I hated myself for this.

From that day onwards, I wanted to die. I hated God, my spouse, my job and everyone else. I stayed in the house for a week and could not talk to people. Almost 3 weeks later I realized that I could not continue like that, I had to get support and learn how to cope. That's when I reached out to my HR and she connected me with Diana from Still A Mum.

The experience was very informative and I got to share my most inner thoughts with a person who strived to understand and empathize with me. That really gave me hope that I could go on even after the uneventful loss of my baby. I even got do share other events in my life that may have contributed to me being so angry and spiteful of myself. During the 6 sessions, I got to learn how to better deal with my emotions and that it's okay to grieve. My biggest lesson is that, even after loss we learn how to cope and that it's okay to let go of the pain. It's like a wave and it will always subside at some point.

I have now learnt how to cope and manage my emotions better. I’m happy and grateful to God that he has blessed my womb once more, I look forward to enjoying this pregnancy journey and also helping others who have had the same experience.