Help a family heal after the death of a baby

by Still A Mum Trust

Help a family heal after the death of a baby

Project Report | Oct 27, 2020
Highlights of Bereavement Virtual Support

By Diana Chepkosgei | Program Manager and Lead Counselor

The COVID-19 pandemic introduced us to a new way of living with unique challenges emotionally, economically, physically and socially. It has also been particularly challenging for families who have lost babies through miscarriages, stillbirths or neonatal loss. We’ve received cases such as complicated grief disorders, major depression and severe anxiety disorders due to grief and the psychological impact of the pandemic.

During the third quarter, July to September 2020, we’ve had the privilege of walking with 164 bereaved families hailing from different places within Africa and Europe. This is a 6% increase from the previous quarter where we recorded 146. Below is a breakdown of the number of sessions conducted during the months of July to September 2020:

July- 55

August- 59

September- 50

We further engaged with our community through psycho-educative programs on our social media platforms. This is an avenue to ensure relevant content on grief management is periodically available to our audience. It has been quite an interesting season whereby more clients are embracing virtual mode of therapy and actually reporting positive feedback from such platforms.

Partnering with other organizations during the period has been so empowering as we get the privilege of addressing more people by raising awareness on mental health wellness and grief support.

Below are stories of our amazing constituents we’ve journeyed with:

Janet*

I was checking in for early delivery on the 20^th of December 2019 and the doctor told me they could not feel his pulse. First, I did not seem to understand what that meant. I was sent to the hospital for a second opinion. The nurse said the same thing but I told them we do a scan and did not wait to complete the scan as it seemed true. I was so confused. I had never thought I could lose the baby since I had a very smooth and peaceful pregnancy. My son was big throughout my pregnancy yet I am not diabetic, but never at once did I know that that was dangerous. I cry for my little son every single day. I did not spend time with him after delivery which I so regret I wish I cuddled and stayed with him. I was broken and I felt I couldn’t move on at all. I later on noticed the Still A Mum group on Facebook. Exactly at that point I knew this is the best place for me to get strength and support during this journey.

I reached out through their phone number and I was registered for a WhatsApp support group. The counselling sessions on the group were very educative and offered immense support. The fact that I could interact with other women I felt so much encouraged. I just felt I was in a better position considering the stories shared by other women were very much heartbreaking. I learnt to be aware of my feelings and identified ideal ways to cope with the loss. I really appreciate Still A Mum for creating this space to allow us to share our stories without being judged. I am looking forward to step out their stronger than before.

Rita*

I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on January 22^nd 2020. She was born with complications in the intestines and surgery was done at the hospital but unfortunately, she passed on 31^st January the same year. I went back home and thought to myself that I was alone but I would be fine. It wasn’t until I started having nightmares and hallucinations and I had to seek help. I was introduced to Still A Mum by my aunt and I started having counselling sessions with Diana.

On my first session, I thought my problems were going to end and I would stop having nightmares and hallucinations but she told me healing takes time and it is a process so on my first session I told her the background of my loss and she gave me assignments to write about who I was angry with and why and I did. I realized that as I was writing, nobody was at fault and I had to stop doing the blame game and forgive myself and the people I was angry at.

I am not much of a talkative girl, I don’t express my problems to people and when I got the chance to talk about the loss of my child and the sexual assault, I got that sense of relief that finally I was getting help from someone, someone was actually sitting down and listening to me. That really helped me a lot and considering the first assignment that I was given about listing the people that I was angry at and why, it made me stop the blame game and helped me relive that anger out of me, I learnt to forgive myself and to forgive others. It helped me realize that I needed to accept the fact that the baby is gone and even if I may not be able to forget her and move on, I will be able to at least consider her in my heart and be able to accept it and move on.

And on my second session, when we talked about my emotions and my anger. I had a really big problem on perfectionism, it helped me to stop making things perfect. I really needed to calm myself down. I had an issue with anger. The session helped me to control my anger. I would sit down, relax first before I express what I really felt about something, it helped me communicate with my brother and my mum and tell them what I really felt. After my second session, I felt I was ready to move on, I was ready to make a new step. The sessions made a difference in me, I am young, I am a small girl, I am only 21 years old and being that I have been sexually assaulted, I have lost a baby. Those are two massive things that have happened in all my life. The counselling really helped me a lot, because I was able to express myself and sit down and tell my mum and brother what I really felt about that whole situation. I am glad I was really able to sit down and talk to someone, someone that is able to understand what I have been through and I am really grateful.

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Jun 30, 2020
Grief Support During the COVID-19 Pandemic

By Diana Chepkosgei | Program Manager and Lead Counselor

We have been living in unprecedented times experiencing various challenges as the COVID-19 pandemic affects the globe. Being in the space of mental health and working with bereaved families; we have continued to receive clients who unfortunately are caught up with grief and the psychological impact of the current pandemic.

The COVID-19 pandemic has led to psychological distress, economical and societal stress. We can imagine what you are also currently going through, but the question is, how are you managing your mental well-being at such a time? As an organization we’ve had to adjust to virtual mode of therapy. Virtual therapy was one of the modes of therapy we used to employ for clients who were unable to physically visit our office. However, we’ve had to embrace pure virtual support for all clients in order to limit physical interaction but still offer quality services.

During the past three months, we supported 146 clients as highlighted below:

April- 57
May- 44
June- 45

This is an increase of 43 clients from the first quarter. It has been encouraging to see individuals embrace virtual counselling and committing through the healing experience. Apart from offering psycho-social support, we have continued to push for mental health conversations via our social media platforms and sharing relevant information to educate our community. This being a very critical period as most people are bound to struggle psychologically as they navigate the new normal and its effects; we’ve encouraged our community to seek mental health services as such we subsidized our counselling rates to accommodate more people.

Below are the stories of two of our amazing constituents whom we’ve journeyed with.

Nadia*

I lost my son on the 22^nd of April 2020 at 39 weeks. I reached out to Still A Mum when I was at my lowest point struggling with suicidal thoughts. I knew I needed support but I was still unable to start off the sessions. But Diana, the Counselor, still kept in touch with me and was there for me until I was ready to attend the sessions virtually. I was skeptical about counselling because I’m not comfortable talking about my feelings and sharing my thoughts with other people. But Diana eased my fears and created a safe environment for me to share how I felt and what I was going through. I am grateful for the counselling because I have picked up a lot of skills that are helping me on my grief journey. Although I know I still have a long way to go, I’m able to talk to myself off the ledge when the days are hard. Before I started the sessions, I was a very closed off person, I was hesitant to talk about any of my feelings and I was struggling with a lot of anger. I’m now aware of my feelings and I’m actively trying to improve myself. Thank you Still A Mum.

Lilian*

I lost my first born a day before he was due, I went to the clinic for my regular checkups. On the 2^nd of May 2020, there I was told that his heartbeat wasn’t normal. I was then sent to the hospital for further assessments. There the doctor told me that his heart has stopped beating, he told me that I have lost my son, I spent two full days with him inside my womb not moving or breathing. No one knew what had happened, they did tests on me and they showed nothing until the day I delivered him on the 4^th of May 2020. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.

I asked myself how can something that was supposed to help him survive be the cause of his death. I sometimes blame myself for I didn’t feel that something was wrong though I did everything the way I told to and never missed even once my ANC appointments. My family was never supportive of the situation at all, they told me to be strong and not to cry over what has happened, to them it was nothing but to me it was my everything. I sometimes cry myself to sleep just thinking of my son. I hated the way people said that I’m young and I will have more children in the future.

During this dark moment, I came across Still A Mum website and right away I did send an email requesting to be part of the WhatsApp support group. I joined the group on 18^th May 2020 and since then I have gained great support from the counselor and the other women in the group. At first, I was scared, sharing my story was really difficult as it created more pain that I felt I couldn’t handle. Talking to other ladies was really helping. I realized I am not alone. Hearing them talk about how they go about on their daily basis was giving me some strength to forge on. I liked the way the Counselor facilitated the session; I like being heard and not judged. This was a safe space to be listened to. I am really grateful to be in a platform where I can heal with other mums.

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Apr 30, 2020
A REPORT ON STILL A MUM'S ACTIVITIES DURING THE FIRST QUARTER 2020

By Diana Chepkosgei | Program Manager and Lead Counselor

Since its inception in the year 2015, Still A Mum has offered psychosocial support to over 2500 bereaved families. Last year we were able to support 800 bereaved families across different regions in the world. From January 2020 to March 2020, you enabled us to offer psychosocial support to 103 bereaved families. Below is a breakdown of total clients supported per month:

January- 46
February- 34
March- 23
Total- 103

We received families from all walks of life dealing with the pain of miscarriages, stillbirths and infant deaths. Psychological cases related to parental grief such as depression, psychological trauma, anxiety and complicated grief disorders were managed. Our counselling center has provided a conducive environment for one on one counselling sessions and physical support group sessions. Our virtual platforms such as WhatsApp support groups, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter were also vital in allowing us to facilitate sessions with clients from various regions. 69 clients were supported virtually in the past three months while 34 clients attended physical sessions.

Mental health awareness creation is part of our core business. We all go through various crises in life, think about it, how do you always respond to them? For instance, losing a pregnancy or a baby throws one in a confused state and it’s hard to pick any healthy coping mechanism. We have been engaging in psycho-educative programs through our social media platforms, use of mainstream media and partnerships with community organizations to encourage the society to seek professional help when in need. As such we also facilitated support group sessions for 9 young teenage mothers at Mathare, Nairobi in partnership with (SHOFCO) Shining Hope for Communities organization.

Below are the stories of two of our amazing constituents whom we’ve journeyed with.

*Pseudo names used to protect our clients’ privacy.

Philomena*
A pretty comfortable pregnancy until week 26 when pressure levels began to rise. At week 28 during a routine check pressure had escalated to 168/107. This was controlled medically, unfortunately during week 30 clinic on 21st September 2019, it was an Intrauterine Fetal Death. Pre-eclampsia had robbed me off a beautiful soul. Much regards to my gynecologist who took me through the labor and birth process so seamlessly. This was the darkest phase in my life trying to come to terms with the loss. After 2 months of acute denial, I reached out to Still A Mum for individualized counselling sessions and therapy in November 2019. The sessions were well structured and after 4 individual sessions I joined in the group therapy sessions. At the end of the sessions in March 2020, my heart was at a point of acceptance and gladness. Grief is such a personal journey. It requires adequate support systems and intentional efforts to move forward. Thanks Still A Mum for the dedication to see mums through this tragic phase of life.

Monica*
I had waited for so many years to get a child, trying to conceive but with no success. I was so worried about the future of my marriage; I was hitting 40 but with no baby. Two years later, I conceived! I was so excited. My husband and I were looking forward to finally enjoy the pregnancy and also to bring up our child. Unfortunately, that joy didn’t last for long, I lost the pregnancy at 16 weeks. I was so lost, broken and shattered.

A few months later, my husband and I decided to try again. I wasn’t sure if we could pregnant that easily but to our surprise, we conceived right away. This time, I had mixed emotions. The anxiety of losing the pregnancy and the hope to keep pushing. The pregnancy went on well until 24 weeks when it developed complications and I lost the baby. I couldn’t describe the pain I felt at that time. I asked myself, why would God allow me carry the two pregnancies after a long time of trying to conceive only to snatch them away from me? It was at this point that I decided to reach out to Still A Mum in February 2020. I went through individual therapy and later on I joined a physical group.

The first session was very difficult, the pain was too much, I remember physically shaking as I cried all through the session. Thank God for the Counselor who was patient with me and handled me with a lot of empathy. Moving forward, I gained emotional healing through sharing my experiences and above all meeting other women who shared similar experiences. I’m at a better place with my kids in heaven, I’m still hopeful that I will live to carry my babies in my own hands. Thank you Still A Mum.

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