Ma7boobin - Divorce Care For Kids in Egypt

21 Kids have enrolled in  Not Guilty's Divorce Care this term. This is a joint partnership with DC4K. It is a 13-week program tackling different subjects for kids aged 5 to 13. Despite the trauma the kids suffer, finding recovery programs for kids is the least of the parents' priorities. Since many parents go from double to single income, it is hard to make ends meet.
Furthermore, finding time to send their children to recovery programs is complex. Many of the kids are from faraway places that desire more than one transportation, hence more cash to reach the Not Guilty office.
Add to this that many single parents need two jobs to make ends meet, and you will get the picture of the hardship of sending their children to Ma7boubin every week.
And yet, we were pleasantly surprised to have 21 children enrolled this time for Ma7boubin, the divorce care for kids program.
Of the 21 kids who attended the first session, It's Not Your Fault, when asked if they thought the divorce was somehow their fault, 18 raised their hands. What a burden to carry. The guilt and shame they grow with need to be dealt with early on.
Praise God, when asked if you were involved when mum and dad decided to marry? They answered no.
And when they decided to get a divorce, you were not a part of the decision either. It's a big people decision.
We could see the burden fall off their shoulders.

Sammy who is eight years old commented that for the first time he feels it is not his fault that his parents divorced.

"I always thought that they dovorced becsue I was getting bad grades at school."

We cannot do this without you.
Thank you for your continuous support.

Starting new Divorce Care groups is never easy. Most of divorced parents have too much on their plate to think about recovery groups for their kids, specially that they are 13 weeks long. The commitment seems daunting to the parent who suddenly finds herself/himself on their own with their children.

Add to that the financial obligations with a single income and the new responsibilities and you will get a picture of the difficulties of joining a recovery group.

The new group that is starting on June 4 has five kids aged between seven and eleven.

Two of the kids have severe anger issues feeling that they somehow were responsible for the divorce, which, of course, is never the case.

The two other kids are sad and are not doing well in school since the divorce took place.

The last kids is having nightmares since the divorce. He feels he needs to choose between his mother and father and feels guilty that he loves both of them.

All these are subjects that we tackle during the recovery sessions.

Because of the single income situation, most kids cannot afford the sessions, so your support will be much appreciated.

Will keep you updated on the progress of the group.

Links:

• http://www.notguiltyinc.org

Doing zoom groups for children of divorce during the COVID season and beyond was a real challenge.
Having kids ages 4 to 12 tell about their feelings, playing games, and hearing stories online has been quite challenging.
We have finally returned to in-person groups.

After thirteen weeks, the in-person group that had just finished had four children aged between 8 and 12 years old.

One of the boys, 12 years old, had a lot of anger issues against his mother, who cheated on the father and left them for the other guy. The mother used to take her son with her to her boyfriend (he was seven at the time) and asked him not to tell anyone about what was going on. The boy saw and heard what was happening.
He had so much anger bottled up that he stayed silent during the sessions for five weeks.

Only on the sixth week, when he felt safe enough to talk, did he tell the trainer about what happened.
The trainer herself, a divorced lady who had grown boys of her own, could totally understand the anger of that young boy.

She talked about the legitimacy of being angry; the methods to show anger without hurting self or others.
Now that this group is over, Not Guilty is in the process of starting a new group.

Because of the current economic situation, we are having some difficulty. Parents are finding it hard to commit to paying for transportation to bring their kids once a week. Many have lost a significant percentage of their income in lawyer fees for divorce. They can hardly make ends meet for daily needs.

We need to continue with these recovery groups, especially now that we have seen the need and the effects those groups have on the kids.

Dr. Laila Risgallah Wahba

Links:

• http://www.notguiltyinc.org

The second group of divorce care had a unique flavor.

It was all kids whose mothers committed adultary. All the kids knew about the affair. Some mothers even took the kids with her as a decoy. The kids actually saw their mother and her lover making out in a car or an appartment.

The anger that those kids had was unbelievable. Most of them did not respond for the first six weeks. They did not want to open the subject or speak about what they feel.

After six weeks, one of the boys spoke up about how angry he is with his mother. He told about how happy he feels when he saw his mother crying or angry. That was a day of breakthrough. At least he got to speaking and telling of his real feelings.

During divorce care, we train kids on how to acknowledge their anger, how to deal with their anger in a healthy way without hurting themselves or others. exercises are reviewed every week. It is ok to feel sad and angry, but the pivotal thing is how to deal with those feelings in a healthy way that will heal and build them at the same time.

WE STILL HAVE SEVEN MORE WEEKS TO GO FOR THIS GROUP, BUT AT LEAST THE KIDS GOT TO T5RUST THEIR TRAINERS AND CAN TALK TO THEM.

The divorce care group that ended a month ago was a huge success, yet it came with a lot of sorrow and heartbreak.
The group constituted ten kids between the ages of 6 to 12.
The father of two siblings had a mental condition, an inherited gene. The father never held or cuddled his two boys, yet the boys still wished the father would return.
The mother carries a hefty load of shame and guilt, but the boys add to her sense of shame.
During the group, I asked, "How many of you feel that you carry part of the blame that daddy left?"
They all raised their hands. But those two particular boys said they also blamed their mother—what a burden for her to carry!
How can she explain to her boys that their father suffers from a mental disease that makes him an unsafe father? So, she takes the blame and keeps quiet. Maybe when the boys grow up a bit, she can explain to them the actual situation.
In the Middle East, both divorce and mental disease are a stigma. Most people would keep them hidden. Many opt to live together in the same home, living their separate lives to maintain their appearance in society.
Working through their anger and learning positive ways to address their different feelings significantly impacted those two boys.
I am sorry, but I will not be able to share any photos of the training to keep the dignity of the families represented.
We are starting two new groups, this time in person. I pray the right kids will come.