By Charlene F. Murray | Living In Constant Fear
To contrary belief that domestic violence happens to women who come from predominantly less privileged backgrounds, domestic violence is a situation which can happen to anyone from any walk of life. It is essentially a struggle of power in a relationship. Leslie, a medical doctor by profession experienced it firsthand and it was a rude awakening for her, to wake up one day and realize that she was a victim of the situation for a whole 5 years and that she had to do something about it. What makes it harder for women who are independent, and successful is perhaps to acknowledge that they have fallen into the pits of an abusive relationship, and to find the courage to break free of the cycle with much at stake.
For Leslie’s story, the abuse was gradual, from vindictive arguments to mental abuse where she was encouraged to believe that she had discharged her responsibilities of a good wife and mother, because of her commitment to her profession. She struggled to provide her family the attention they needed as any working mothers do, and was constantly put down whenever the dishes weren’t washed or if she wasn’t able to calm her crying child, amongst other nitty gritty resentments her husband had against her. Those verbal arguments and mental abuse eventually turned into aggressive fights where she would be shoved into the wall, forcefully held down until she relented, and forced into having sexual intercourses she did not agree to. It was a confusing situation for Leslie as she was the main breadwinner of her household, but yet didn’t have control over her body, her freedom and her circumstances.
In countries like Malaysia where marital rape is not considered a crime, unless there is grave physical harm to the body which can be medically diagnosed, Leslie lived in fear every night, wondering if tonight will be the night she was verbally abused, shoved around the house, or worse, assaulted in her own bed. Her child may not have been physically abused by her husband, but she often sat in a corner and witness the whole process which made her anxious and sad and emotionally unstable, which manisfested into more behavioral problems. WAO advocates for the stance that any child who lives in an abusive household is a survivor in their own right, and this is exactly the indirect consequences Leslie’s child experienced. Leslie attempted to lodge two police reports before coming to WAO for assistance. Her reports were both classified as household disharmony, and a police officer even laughed at her for not knowing how to “pleasure” her husband dutifully.
When Leslie approached WAO, she had just been physically assaulted by her husband yet again. She called the WAO hotline and spoke to a WAO Crisis Support Officer, who assured her that WAO would walk her through the process if she was ready to leave her abusive situation. She needed to hear that she was not alone and recognizing herself as part of a vicious cycle was a brave start. She worried about her aged mother who lived with her, and how this would uproot everything her child was used to, but decided this was the best situation for everyone. With WAO’s assistance and continuous support, Leslie planned and scheduled her exit from her marital home over the span of 3 days and decided to approach us for shelter. Along with her mother and her 5 year old daughter, she checked into our shelter and WAO assisted her with the necessary police report and application for the interim protection order (IPO) under the Domestic Violence Act (DVA). With WAO’s assistance, Leslie was able to take a breather, received psychosocial intervention in the form of counseling, and ensured legal interventions were in place to ensure the safety and protection of her and her children and successfully found a place to move to which enabled her to rebuild her life safely.
WAO continues to provide psychosocial intervention to Leslie and her family although they are no longer in active crisis to ensure they receive continuous support for their mental health needs.
By Charlene Fay Murray | Case Manager, Women's Aid Organisation
By Amnani Fatin | Partnership and Development Officer
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