Protection of missing children

When Suzana first called us, we were not sure if we could help her. Her niece, Olivera, had troubles at school. She is 11 years old and she is in the fifth grade. Olivera has three lowest grades from different subjects, reprimand of the class teacher and many unattended classes without due justification. Also, she often threats that she would quit school and run away from home.

During a few phone calls with Suzana, we realized that there is an obvious reason explaining this kind of behavior. Olivera went through a very difficult transitional period over the last few months and in all that time everyone did what they thought “it is the best for her“, but no one really asked her what were her wishes, her needs.

Olivera’s parents divorced recently and since then she lived with her dad, Marko. Meanwhile, her mom re-married and had a baby. Three months ago, Marko had to go to work abroad since he lost his job in Serbia, so Olivera went to live with her mother and her new family. Additionally, she changed school, so everything was new and unfamiliar to her. She did not fit into her new class, she did not make any friends and she started to skip school. Her classmates bullied her, she could not keep up with class readings and she had not had whom to ask for help. Her teacher did not seem to care is there a bigger problem that is bothering Olivera, so she just kept giving her bad grades as a „learning lesson“.

We suggested Suzana that as a first step she should talk to Olivera, sincerely and without criticizing her. Instead, she should just ask her what seems to be wrong and offer her help. Also, we pointed out how important is to trust Olivera and support her.

As soon as they started communicating, and treating Olivera’s problems with due seriousness and respect, things proved to be quite clear. Olivera explained how the current situation is quite difficult for her – her father is away, she does not have her old bedroom, she is feeling like a stranger in her mother’s new home and the workload at school is hard to keep up with. Secondly, we supported Suzana in her idea of a joint visit of Olivera, her mother and herself to the teachers in order to ask for support. Additionally, as a sort of a „midterm solution“, we connected them with an organization who are specialized in providing support to children and their parents.

Currently, Olivera regularly attends school and she studies on a daily bases with the help of her aunt, as well as with those of her mom and her teachers. Now when she talks about her mom’s new family she considers herself as being a part of it. She still misses her dad and cannot wait for him to get back from abroad.

Of course, this family, has a lot of work to do, but, for all those stories who are similar with this one, the key message is: do not forget to ask your kids how they are feeling what is it that you could do in order to help them?

One situation that is not easy and needs to be resolved as soon as possible, is when the child runs away from home again. Why this happened once more, why parents did not anticipate and prevent another escape − these questions are something that parents often encounter when reaching out to institutions. Dragana, our client, who recently addressed us regarding the disappearance of a 16-year-old daughter, also had this experience.

The problem started with domestic violence, from which Dragana barely escape with her daughter Maja, followed by peer violence in secondary school to which she was exposed and it ended by Maja’s emotional relationship as a minor, that was particularly risky for her.

Unfortunately, the misunderstanding of the environment and institutions involved was huge. The representative of social welfare center and prosecution, have been unsupportive and blamed Dragana for all what happened, accusing her of not being a good mother and that she has no parenting skills. Dragana simply didn’t know and she was left without assistance and guidance on what to do and how to approach to a teenage daughter in order to establish good mutual relationship and trust.

Harassing the mother through the system and though every specific procedure for finding and protecting Maja continued. Search for the child and investigation against her partner was prolonged without any explanation, informations were not shared with Dragana and the message was that she is guilty of her daughter's fate. Insensitivity of professionals and institutions involved was high, while the time was ticking, Maja was missing and that the situation was urgent.

Fears, anxiety about uncertainty and the constant waiting for news that her child has been found alive and well became an integral part of Dragana’s everyday life. She continued her fight with the system, she was doing in impossible circumstances, everything she could, contacted all those who were obliged to help and those who she thought can help, she was appealing and bringing attention to legal possibilities and risks, an in the same time responsibly analyzing her own capacities to help her daughter.

When Dragana contacted ASTRA, it was important for her to have someone who understands her, who does not condemn her, and who encourages and supports her to persist in her efforts to fight for the well being of her daughter. Powerless feeling due to the complexity of the problem has been overwhelming her. It was important for her to have an ally, someone who will represent her daughter’s best interests where institutions failed to do so and to urge the institutions to perform. With our support, the additional steps have been taken in order to find Maja and to take measure against the perpetrator.

The search for Maja is still ongoing. For us, every child is important, every child matters. If you are of the same opinion, please join us and support us with your contribution to find Maja, to bring justice to her and her mother and to stop her perpretrator of doing more harm to Maja and to many other girls.