Preserve Strong Communities with Housing Mediation

Sharon felt like she had nowhere left to turn. Her 19-year-old stepson, Cody, had been living with her for years and she had recently become very concerned about his behavior. After multiple fruitless conversations, Sharon filed a case in eviction court to try to have Cody move out of the house.

When Sharon and Cody appeared in court the judge sent the parties to mediation with the Center for Conflict Resolution. The mediator asked each of them to tell their stories and learned that Sharon had been married to Cody’s dad, but that there had been a divorce 3 years ago. At the time, Cody’s father was not able to find a new apartment in Cody’s school district and so the three of them had agreed that Cody would continue to live with Sharon.  When Cody graduated high school Sharon told him he could stay in his room in the basement if he paid some rent and continued to do chores around the house. The two of them had never agreed on an amount of rent, though, and Cody had never paid Sharon any money.

The mediator asked more questions and learned that in the 6 months leading up to the mediation, Sharon and Cody had fallen into a pattern where they would have a large fight, then not speak for a few weeks, and then return to living together peacefully. Sharon did not know what Cody was doing for work and she disclosed during the mediation that she was afraid her house had become a hangout spot for teenagers to drink and play video games. She did not want this behavior in the house because she felt it created liability and was unproductive for Cody. She wanted him to work or go to school.

Cody was nervous about having a law suit filed against him. He told Sharon that he had been looking for full-time work, but that he wasn’t qualified to do anything that paid enough. Cody said that he knew it was time for him to move out on his own, but that he simply did not know how to get started.

The mediator continued to facilitate the conversation and helped the parties realize that they both wanted the same things – for Cody to be gainfully employed and for him to move out on his own. They created a plan for Cody to get a job and move out in 6 months. During the next 6 months, Sharon agreed that Cody did not have to pay rent, but that he did have to give her money every month which she would save for him and return to him when he moved out. They both thought this would be good practice for Cody. Additionally, Cody agreed not to have guests over without Sharon’s permission and to search more aggressively for work.

During the mediation Sharon had a chance to express her frustration and hopelessness. Cody, on the other hand, had the opportunity to discuss his independence and to be treated as an adult. Once they were able to express themselves, they were able to build a plan that would allow them to maintain their relationship and to come to resolution. 

Maria and Eva went to mediation with the Center for Conflict Resolution when Maria filed an eviction case against Eva.

Maria was fed up. She had allowed her daughter, Eva, and Eva’s infant daughter, to stay with her as Eva tried to find a new place to live. Eva had just left her husband and was desperate for a place to stay until she got on her feet. While she didn’t relish moving back in with her mother, she didn’t have any other options and here they were. 

It was supposed to be a very short-term solution, but now, seven months later, Maria had tried numerous times to get Eva to go, only to be told by Eva that Maria would have to go to court to evict her in order to get her out. 

The relationship between the parties had been strained and tense for quite some time. Now it had reached the point that if one said the sky was blue, the other said it was red. If one complained that the other filled the fridge too full, the other was irked because of empty soda cans left lying around the house.

Both women used significant time to unpack the misery and “violations” the other had visited upon them and they did so in a cascading, tit-for-tat manner. Primary among these was an overall sense from each of them that "this isn't how you treat family!" But after a while, they were both exhausted. 

At this point, the mediator gently began asking some questions to help them explore what was really important to them and prioritize those needs. 

Maria needed a return to peace, normalcy, and to be able to enjoy living in her own home again. Eva had very little income and had a month to go before starting a new job, so she was still in need of a place to sleep and inexpensive child care for her daughter while she saved up enough to get a place of her own. 

Through the mediator’s help, they both realized that neither wanted their current living situation to stay the way it was and that they were very unlikely to improve the dynamics of their increasingly antagonistic relationship in such close quarters. This allowed them to begin to focus on what plan was necessary to find a way for Eva to move out and for Maria to have some certainty as to when she could reclaim her home. 

By contrasting their potential win or lose outcomes in court to what they could control and implement themselves, the mediator was able to help them craft an agreement. Maria agreed to let Eva stay for up to two more months while Eva agreed to offer more help around the house and to talk to Maria each week about potential places she had contacted to rent. Maria also agreed to continue to provide child care for her granddaughter at very little cost, even after Eva found a new place, as long as it wasn't too far away. 

Both women expressed relief that they had been able to get some things off their chests and focus on a positive plan with which to pursue their goals. 

Furthermore, they were able to put a case to rest in which, no matter the judge's decision, both of them would have lost something significant: their relationship. Instead, they left with a starting point to repair it.