Housing for Boys Facing Trauma and Stigma

PS: Dye is a fictional name that we have used to protect the identity of a boy who has faced sexual exploitation, abuse and harassment and is currently staying at our Halfway House.

Dye is back at our Halfway House and we are in a celebratory mode! In fact the mood here can lighten up any dull day and make it bright! Perhaps you are wondering who the heck is Dye. Tie and Dye came to our Halfway House at the beginning of March.

After a wretched perpetrator used food and promise of a better life, he tied the their feet, then tied their hands to a bed. Then, sexually exploited,abused and harrassed them on the same bed! One after the other! When the perpetrator brifely left the house, neigbours who had suspected there was foul play, broke the door and later, laid a trap for the perpetrator.

One day, when we were visiting a bicycle shop, out team received a phone call from a policewoman. "I have been informed about your Halfway House and how you support to boys who have been sexually abused," she said. "Can you come pick up two boys who have been abused by the same perpetrator?"

A difficult start to life with Tye and Dye

Even as we picked the two boys, we knew it wasn't going to be easy having them at our Halfway House. Aged 12 and 14 years respectively, Tye and Dye's arrival at our facility was soon going to turn our lives up and down! Taking care of boys who have been sexually exploited, abused and harrassed is not a walk in the park. It is a journey that is riddled with doubt, fear, lack of trust and misunderstandings.

Tough love can be mistaken for signs of potential harm and damage. Treading with care as if you are walking around eggshells can also be mistaken for being too naive, too soft or not knowing what you are doing. So is treating the boys with suspicion that they are up to no good.

One of the most difficult things was coming to a realization that boys and young men who seek safe shelter and housing are not just looking for a bed. They are looking for much more than a bed, bedsheets and a warm blanket. In order for real healing and restoration to start happening, nutritious food, access to medication, therapy and rebuilding trust is required.

And with Tye and Dye having been previously involved in juvenile truancy, chances of them getting mistaken for boys who don't give twenty-five cents worth of a care was real. Since we grow our own vegetables and rear chicken, providing nutritious food was one of the easiest things to do. So was taking the two of them to Toi Market to buy clothes, underwear, socks and shoes.

Treatment as potential perpetrators

Taking care of expenses that came with taking them to the hospital for medication, buying school uniform, shoes, school supplies and paying school fees were the most hardest since such expenses involve a lot of fundraising and seeking help. This is difficult because most people who we approach for help often consider boys and young men as potential perpetrators. This being so, fundraising and finding people who can support is often very hard.

At the time Tye and Dye came to our halfway house, they had stayed out of school for years. Just before the abuse happened, the two of them had been scavenging and living on the streets after running away from school and home. This made taking care of them hard. On top of this, adopting and adjusting to life that comes from having boundaries and structures was not easy.

When we took them to a local school near our Halfway House, we wanted them to join school in classes they had dropped out of. However, due to the new requirements by the Ministry of Education, they were not allowed to repeat classes. And so, the two boys rejoined school and started going to school. Despite providing a hearty breakfast in the morning and getting dropped and picked from school every day, Tye and Dye struggled with adjusting to school life.

Grade 6 exams and the promise of a better life

Eventually, the two of them dropped out of school. With breaking hearts, we resigned to staring at the brand new school uniform, books and shoes we had bought them. Despite the frustration, pain of having raised funds and mobilized for help and support, we continued to do our best in order to provide care, protection and support to Tye and Dye.

We watched as cups of tea, porridge and glasses of juice were gobbled and watched as mountains of ugali, eggs, vegetables, chicken and nyama choma got chomped. All the while, we secrectly hope the two boys were going to ask to be taken back to school. Byt the time it happened, I took a trip to the school.

"We are sorry James," said the headteacher, "we cannot take Tye and Dye back since they have stayed away from school for one whole school term!"

"I understand and acknowledge the fact that a whole term is along time to stay away from school," I replied. "But, can you treat this as an excemption? These boys need to come back to school and use this to fuel their hope for a better life in the future. Please, allow them to come back!"

"I am afraid there is nothing we can do about this," the headteacher reponded.

With my tail between my legs, I came back to our Halfway House where I broke the news to two disappointed boys. A few weeks later, we decided to enrol them as part of our junior football coaches for our Afterschool Football Program. Since this involves cycling 20 km both ways, this became a life saver.

As the KEPSEA exams kept drawing nearer, Dye became worried about losing the opportunity to sit for an transitional exams that paves the way for junior high school. A week prior to the exams, we could not help but notice just how worried Dye was. At some point, he gathered the courage to ask, "Will I go to do my exam at the centre where I had been registered as a candidate?"

Constant reassurances from us is what kept him going. Dye walked with a spring when our team drove him to the centre where he was going to sit for the exams. He looked at his exams clip board and mathematical set with joy and excitement.

Now, the exams are over and we can't help but join in the celebrations. After a long struggle, doubt and fear, our exceptional young man has done it. When he walked through the front door of our Halfway House a few days ago, he stood in the door frame with a wide grin on his face.

"I made it finally!" he said, punching the air in jubiliation.

And all of a sudden, the mood at our Halfway House changed. We are excited to see a brilliant young man who was once torn apart by sexual abuse, announce himself to the world. Deep in our hearts we feel he is ready to take on the next challenge with unshakeable confidence and roaring courage.

We are extremely proud of him. We are super excited about the untapped potential and treasure that lies ahead of him. Finally the dark cloud that used to hang above his head and weighted young shoulders has cleared. This would not have been possible had we not taken a chance on him.

Yay, our boy is back!

Well, one of our staff members reminded him about a promise we had made him make before going for the exams. Though he seems drawn back to his painful past, we have agreed on one thing, that you can save a drowning man only if you can swim well. Dye is ready to learn how to swim better, so that in future he can save his siblings.

"Promise me," he said, his eyes rolling with anticipation, "promise that you will do everything in your power to get me the school fees, uniform and supplies that I need to go to junior high school next year!"

"Of course, we will take you to junir high school," our Executive Director replied. "But, first, how would you like to celebrate your latest achievement?"

"Can we go to the museum, Giraffe Centre and the national park so I can see the animals?" he said.

Dye is back at our Halfway House and we are in a celebratory mode! Yay, our boy is back!