Build Healthy Relationships in100 Rwandan Couples

Achieving a Better Life

“What does ‘gender equality’ mean to our beneficiaries?

January 2012

During the last few months, we took the opportunity to visit some of the couples we work with at their homes. We wanted to hear their views on gender equality, and to learn how it plays out in their homes and in their community.  We visited a handful of selected couples in each area where we work to get a representative sample of opinions, and we ‘interviewed’ them, having a guided conversation and letting them give their point of view. Our objective was to learn if and how we could help each couple understand what true gender equality would look like in their lives. Our team interviewed many couples and recorded certain points from the conversations to measure the trends in opinion and belief. 

We learned that there are still both men and women who believe that a girl’s or woman’s duty is to clean the house and/or compound, wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook, care for the children, and fetch water— all while her brother or husband sit and wait to see that the food is ready, and then be served where they are sitting. We found this mindset prevailed in about one third of the couples we visited.

There are both positive and negative opinions about gender equality among our sample couples. We took the time to ask men and women what ‘gender’ meant in their lives. Some said that it means that girls go to school, women have a role in making decisions, and that women are allowed to get jobs. However, we also talked to people who believe that the boys would be the first priority for schooling, and that women should not give advice about important things. Around 20% of the people we spoke with said that ‘gender’ is the issue that women manipulate in order to rule over men.

We also wanted to know the impact of the concept of ‘gender’ in the couple’s life.

15% said that their lives changed because of they came to understand the concept. They started to share responsibilities, they sent their children to school, and they improved their financial well-being.

5% of the couples said they experienced conflicts because they understood gender equality to be a weapon women use to rule over men. It goes against the culture.

One woman reported she was beaten after going to an event for the women’s movement.

From our interviews, we concluded that we need to continue teaching both men and women. We also need more support to continue building healthy relationships between the genders in our communities. Please consider a donation to Achieving a Better Life for the women and men of Rwanda!

Achieving a Better Life, Late October/Early November Report

We will distribute part two of the series “Basket” (culturally translated as Secret) next week. The story continues with Kamurari, the husband with many lovers, as he starts to see consequences and learn lessons from his behaviors. He continues mistreating his wife but now recognizes the baby because it looks like him, and he is ashamed he told his family that the baby was not his. One day when going to sleep with a prostitute he loses his wedding ring and all his money. There is no peace at home because the wife realized that the girl in house is not his cousin, but his lover.

We also followed the other couple that Kanyamanza worked for, where his female employer was neglected by her husband and seduced him. Both the wife and the boy have been kicked out of the house, and the wife is now pregnant. The wife went back home to her family’s village, but there she suffered a lot of rejection.

            The husband who kicked out his wife after driving her to infidelity finds a new wife, but she is not in love with him. She just wants to seduce an easy man and take his money. Finally she persuades him to sell the house and buy a new one and register it in her name. What about the part of the house that belonged the first wife? It’s confusing.

            Kanyamanza, the domestic worker seduced by his employer then kicked out of the house, went to live with the headmistress,who wanted to marry him. But, the woman forgets that he is her fiancé; in her mind he is still a domestic worker. He knows how to do the household chores so well, so she always gives him too much work instead of too much love. Kanyamanza is unhappy.

            The young boy Gahigi who kept switching girls sleeps with someone who is HIV positive. He wasn’t using a condom.

In this second part we raised another cultural issue. In this new couple, the husband is very devoted to his wife but struggles to balance his love for her with his love for beer. He often has to choose between accepting the wife’s desire or going to the bar. He starts making funny choices, saying that he will not enter the bar because the wife asked him not to go in, so instead he will drink beer at a table outside. Then, his friends start telling him that he is powerless because he accepts the decision of a woman.

            Soon, we will prepare the third part.