Help 500 children with disabilities in Kharkov

My little sunshine, my son Kirill, is 3 years and 2 months old.  He is a wonderful, long-awaited child, who is very much loved.  We spend virtually all our time with him – we play, read, go for walks.  When Kiryusha was around one, I started to realize that he was quite a special kid, we encountered many difficulties.  The thing is that his way of thinking is a little different from what is generally considered “normal”.  Because of this, communication with his peers is complicated for him.  It’s hard for him to “read” social signals; he does not copy adults’ behavior, like other children do.  It is difficult for him to adapt to changes, his anxiety level is higher than average, he has unusual fears.  So we really have to learn to communicate.  For example, a simple catch-up-  or a ball game make a complicated task for us.

 However, we try to manage all the challenges with the help of specialists, patience, optimism, and, most importantly, enormous love for our child.  In cooperation with professionals, we regularly analyze the obstacles we face and decide how to help Kiryusha in this or that situation.

 It is often hard for us to understand Kirill.  We have to “decipher” his words, find out what caused his anxiety and why it happened.  Sometimes it turns into a real detective riddle, and puzzling it out becomes exciting and interesting.  There are situations, when understanding him literally is not a way out - his words seem to make no sense and be absurd.

 Thus, as Kiryusha bathes and sees a little rabbit on a shampoo bottle, he says “I want to offend the rabbit”.  Why offend?  I don’t understand.  Why does my child want to offend everyone?   Even a little rabbit on the shampoo bottle.  Can it really provoke negative emotions?  In reality, the word “offend” has several absolutely different meanings for Kiryusha, depending on the situation.  He just begins to talk, and his speech abilities are still too scarce to express all his feelings and thoughts.  And when Kiryusha says something unusual, I just have to understand him and suggest him a more suitable variant, understandable by others.

 Then both he feels he is understood, and people around him can get him better.  And if I can’t figure out the situation right away, I can write it down and think it over later, or what’s even better, discuss it with a specialist.

 Today we have already reached a lot, we have significantly improved our communication with Kirill.  Nothing brings as much joy to the parents, as achievements of their child, his smile and happiness.

 Anna Alexeenko, Kirill’s mother

I met my son Nikolasha in April 2013, when he was nineteen months old.  At that time I worked as a volunteer at the orphanage, and asked to place me in a group, where my help was mostly needed.  Those were the kids younger than 2 years old.  They needed medications, pampers, fruit puree, bananas, and mostly important, - going for a walk in the fresh air.  But there was not enough staff, and they virtually never went out in the street. 

 On the very first day of my volunteering I could not take my eyes off a boy with an amazing smile.  He was wearing a girlish romper and had very long hair.  Sitting in his bed, he was hiding under the sheets, than popping out, playing peekaboo.  And when I was trying to share my attention with all the ten kids in the group, he was getting nervous, jealous, started throwing things, and even hitting his head against everything around him, just to keep me beside him.  This was how we met.

 Since I was 20 I wanted to adopt a child.  But I was not getting support from my family, and my fears were bigger than my wish.  And then here I was - 40 years old, alone, no children, no husband, only regret about the hopes and dreams that never came true.  I still did not have much support from my close ones, but my natural wish to become a mom became huge.  I talked to a psychologist and decided to act: to start volunteering at an orphanage and understand if I would be able to take someone else's child. And I found out that when it comes to children, to me there are no "someone else's" kids, all of them were like my family.  I had always wanted a daughter, so my next discovery was that I chose a boy.  My family accepted my decision, but they were very afraid of diseases (almost all the children at the orphanage were with some pathologies), of "bad" genetic background, and of other people's judgements.  I had been volunteering for five months.  I was coming every other day, taking the kids for a walk, feeding them, doing foot massages to all of them.  Nikolasha was the only one who could walk in this group.

 Every meeting with Nik was different: sometimes he was happy, sometimes ignored me, sometimes boasted with something.  But I was strongly attracted namely to him.  Many were talking me out of this, saying that he was difficult, needy, nervous, had health problems (heart disease).  Besides, he had no adoption status (his mother was not deprived of parental rights).  I got an offer to adopt another boy, also very nice.  But something inexplicable had already happened between us, which didn't let me think about any other kid but my Nikolay.  I didn't recognize myself, nothing could stop me.  There were no obstacles or difficulties on my way, which I couldn't overcome - this is how big my desire was to become Nikolasha's mom.  Time seemed to crawl eternally, I couldn't wait for the day to take him from the orphanage.  And finally my precious baby is with me.

 We've been together for two years already, and of course, there are enough difficulties.  Sometimes it seems to me that I have absolutely no strength and energy.  Nik is a hyperactive and fidgety kid.  But we have overcome much together, my son's health has become better, "nervous issues " are gone, and the grandparents adore their grandson.  I have made numerous discoveries during this time. So we are just working on our relationship and the negative experience he received while being alone.

 Now my son participates in the early intervention program, and I am also trying to develop and work on coping with the not-so-easy job of a mom.  But I haven't regretted even for a moment that this little touching independent man appeared in my life, and even though I haven't given birth to him, my feeling for him is enormous.  I am grateful to Nikolay's biological mother that he is here, in this world, that we have found and love each other.  Loneliness can reach anyone - a child or an adult, and the feeling of disappointment can settle in the soul.  But now I know for sure: we can save each other from loneliness and disappointments, give each other hope and open new ways!

Alina Yurchak, mother

Links:

• http://ei.kharkov.ua/