Therapy for 20 suicidal young people in Hackney

Rachel came to Off Centre seeking support for her depression, suicidal feelings and social anxiety. She had a history of being bullied, had experienced a difficult family life, including a significant trauma as a child that had resulted in low self-esteem and feelings of shame. Rachel was feeling angry and anxious and had periods where her home life would become so unbearable she would leave and sleep on the streets. Due to her childhood difficulties she had difficulties trusting and was questioning her faith and religious beliefs. Early on in the therapy she was diagnosed with MS and this contributed to feelings that she was being punished (by God).

Rachel engaged well with art therapyalways attending appointments and giving notice when she was unable to come. Initially she presented as having very poor eye contact, extreme social anxiety and a difficulty connecting with people. She described being numb and a feeling of hopelessness due to isolation and a difficulty relating to others, the consequences of which left her feeling lonely and bored, but also feeling that she was boring. She related her low self-esteem and trust issues with severe bullying which she experienced throughout school and was replicated at home and in a religious holy place, where she witnessed physical abuse on a regular basis.

After being diagnosed with MS Rachel was able to use the therapy to explore her sense of loss over the life that she wanted and her fears for the future (loosing her sight and ending up in a wheelchair) unable to finish University studies or to work. In therapy she explored her anger and a sense of frustration, as well as a feeling of disconnectedness and shame around the diagnoses.

Rachel ran away from home on a number of occasions whilst coming for therapy, sleeping rough for one or two nights, and then returning home, usually without anyone ‘noticing’. She recognised the pattern of ‘running away’ as being connected to anger, which she felt unable to communicate to her family and had kept bottled up for years. Eventually she managed to express some of this anger in a healthy way so that she felt heard by her mum, which was an empowering experience for her.

Rachel’s sense of self worth was very low and she often used negative ‘labels’ such as ‘failure’ and ‘boring’ to describe herself. Gradually over several months she was able to make links with her traumatic childhood and experiences in the present. There was a sense of her putting things into perspective and a growing confidence, that felt fragile but that propelled her into job hunting and a series of interviews.

Rachel still had a tendency to feel judged by those she encountered but was also able to manage the perceived rejections (both in her childhood and present life) with less self destructive thought patterns.

Rachel was able to explore her defences and became more able to take risks once she had explored her fear of humiliation and linked this back to the bullying she had experienced whilst growing up. Gradually she came to accept the diagnoses and the past experiences that had scarred her but was able to live in the present and focus her attentions more on the future and her search for work.

After ending therapy Rachel managed to succeed in an interview for an apprenticeship within the civil service and retook her A’Levels with the intention of going to University the following year. She reported she had made a good friend for the first time in her life and reported how much art therapy had helped her to achieve this.