Technology for abused mothers and their children
When women leave an abusive relationship they usually do so with the clothes on their backs and what little they can carry. seldom is it a computer.
Over the past 23+ years, we have been distributing computers many of them have gone to survivors of domestic abuse or abandonment by the fathers of their children.
Recently we came across a number of these women at one time
Emily is 35, she has a 9-year-old daughter, a 10-month-old son and a baby on the way. the father of her youngest children beat her so badly she was in the hospital for two weeks. She recently received a computer.
Karen her friend was in an abusive relationship for 10 years. She has a 9year old and 16 year old she is now raising on her own. She recently received a computer.
Another Karen is unemployed and has four children. Two of them were taken away because she was homeless for three years after leaving an abusive relationship. She recently received a computer.
A grandmother raising her 9-year-old grandson because her daughter is a drug addict and the father is in jail. She recently received a computer.
Another woman is raising 6 kids by herself. She has had two spinal fusions and a bad hip. three of her kids are adapted and three came from foster care. The mother is a drug addict and does not want her children.
Here is one story to hard to read. your contribution makes a difference for real people.
This is my story and these are my words. And I don't care who likes it or not.
I started my journey giving the benefit of the doubt.
~ My heart is starting to speed up as I'm only just starting. Do I have enough time to get this all out? I'll never get this all in one writing. Why am I shaking already??~ I got this. Breath.
He was really handsome. In my eyes. Had this charm about him. He was exciting. The way we met was even funny. He took my phone from me and called himself. Then he had my number. Lol silly guy.
I met his adorable little kids soon after. I just loved them from the start. I already have a ten-year-old boy at this time I had been raising alone. Everything started out not so bad... Of course. Because I was someone that knew what to look for to make sure I picked a good person to bring around my son. I'm an advocate for abuse after all. Especially for children. I love children. He even seemed to be ok with my pets and love of animals too. Cool!
In no time at all, I saw the red flags. I saw them. But it's ok because he's from the inner city and he just needs time to adjust in the suburbs, that's all. I can definitely stop him from punching his little 4-year-old son across the room or throwing his beautiful 6-year-old girl in the house up against the door cause you know... She was scared of the bee outside. It's cool though. I can teach him. I'll never allow abuse in my house.
~Breath. Stop shaking. You got this.~
I knew in time the bond would come between my son and him. It would come. It just needs time. He needs time to adjust. I can protect my son in the meantime and have him stay in his room as much as possible. We were so close. He was my world. My baby boy. I always knew I would be a great mother. I just didn't know that my life would not be what I envisioned because I chose the benefit of the doubt. I'm a good mother. I am. I love my son more than anything. He's my hero after all. I probably would have been a drug addict had I not gotten pregnant young with him. I was going to be the best mother to him ever. My mom and I struggled with our relationship so I knew I would do better. I wish I could go back in time now.
~stop tearing up. Seriously. It's over now~
I have a baby girl now with him. I wanted this baby since my son turned two. He's 13 now. Just didn't want to be a single mom again. I did it right this time and got married first. The pregnancy was equally as horrible as the first. Not a preemie this time so I felt so lucky. I'm not really sure how much he wanted her. He definitely said some painful surprising things when I was pregnant. I'm not including that in this story cause she may read this one day. She's 9 now. They don't really have a relationship. He's never established a connection with her. I know he loves her and she loves him. But I think that's just because you’re supposed to say that. It's hard to see it. Breaks my heart honestly. But maybe it's better that way. I don't know. My little girl and I have been very close. We stick together. It's safer that way.
She loves him. But expresses her fear in him. She'll tell you he makes her "shiver". I know what she means. He makes me shake too. After all, she did watch him punch her oldest brother, my baby boy, three times in his face and head. Dislocated his jaw. It's cause he slammed the door while taking his little sister away from her father instead of leaving her "shivering" in the corner listening to him belittle her because she missed me. I had suggested he take a walk with her until I got him from taking care of my mother. She has FTD now and can't talk or take care of herself. I love my mom. I miss her so much even though she's still here. I'll be ok. I will. He guesses he didn't want to take our 6-year-old for a walk. I should have known anyway. He was busy with his beer or whatever he was drinking. Who knows? Who cares? He won't stop anyway.
My son called me yelling before this happened. Yelling at me for help because he was drunk and flipping out of his little sister. I'm the one that told him go downstairs and get her and bring her to me. I felt so powerless. My son said "he's gonna hit me, mom! He's gonna hit me!!". "No he's not!! Just get her and bring her to me!!!" That next phone call I was panicked. He really hit him. Like he REALLY DID! I told my son he wouldn't. I told him he wouldn't!! I had no choice. I had to call the police. I wasn't home to protect them this time!! I couldn't rip his jacket or clothes up and off of him this time if he trampled over me again trying to get my son! I couldn't stop it this time. I couldn't. After all these years and how hard I showed him, I can love him and be his ride or die, wife. I could show him how to teach his children without beating them. I can do that. Because abuse is wrong. I” ve told all my friends this when they went through their abuse. Leave them!! Don't stay with him!! Don't put your kids through that!! I couldn't tell them that all of this was my story too. I know better. I won't allow that in my house. I love children.
How did I not realize how lonely I was? This is marriage? Me protecting myself and all the kids every day? Every night? Why?? He says he loves me. Sometimes he even shows me. I can't even put some of my stories into writing. My family might read this. I'm private. I just can't. I wish I could though. He's wrong. He's wrong in so many ways.
I let him sit in jail. Two weeks. Until he called. I backed down. I felt sorry for him. He could change. He promised me again. This time he will. He loves me. He even writes my dad a heartfelt apology. He loves me. He does. I'll bail him out. But he can't come home right away. Well.... Ok. Come back home. I'm not ready to let you go yet. You promised you'd stay sober and work on everything. It's gonna work this time I know it.
It's all my fault. It always has been. He reminds me of that in every fight. I should know by now it's gonna be my fault. After all, I'm sick now with Crohn's disease and some other health issues that had me hospitalized. Surely he was gonna help me through this and show his love to me now right?! Ha! I should be a comedian! That's my fault too! Or am I faking? I don't know. He can't decide. He can't be there emotionally to me either about my ailing mother. After all, his mom passed away. He had a very traumatic life. It shows. It definitely shows.
Last year I kicked him out. I had enough. I'm tired of hiding in my bedroom with my daughter every night so we can avoid you when you decide to come home. I'm tired of you not caring that we all suffer because of the abuse you have put us all through. I didn't let myself go! My health has improved since I made you leave. My hair is growing back and is getting more beautiful than ever! That steroid and diabetes weight came right off without me trying as soon as that was diagnosed and treated and I came off the steroids while starting my new infusions from my new home nurse. Yes. They give you home nurses to give you infusions of scary biologic cancer type drugs for people who fake chronic illness like apparently I do. Whatever. But damn. Look at me! I look good now! I didn't let myself go! I'm more beautiful than when I met you! And I thank my lucky stars that I know now, after 11 years of this, 11 years of loss friendships, isolation, countless tears and traumatic fights, damaged relationships with my kids, and so many more things that I just don't want to list, I know now that I'm free from him. And so are all these kids. My stepson still lives with me. It's where he wants to be. He will graduate in 2022. I love all these kids. Our relationships are so much better now. We are free and we still remain a family. Without him. It's better that way.
This is my story. Or part of it anyway. There's so much more.
With this computer I'll be able to do more with my little business I'm trying to start. I'm an artist. I lost my creativity through these years and have found it again since beginning free. I have become overwhelmed with how much my art is impressing people that see it through social media. I create art with knots. The Art of Knots.
Thank you for reading and thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to share it. I didn't want to write it..... But I'm glad I did.