Bridge to Self Reliance 2000 refugees San Diego CA

  "Something strange is happening", reported one of our caseworkers, as a group of staff and volunteers was sharing experiences.  " Three different times in the past six months, I have met a young mother, who looked energetic and full of enthusiasm as she collected a food donation or found clothes or household items in our storage area. And then each of them died, less than 4 days later. That has never happened before."

That was certainly startling and we set about wondering what the connection might be.  We knew that the men in most  refugee communities often become very depressed when they can not find jobs which provide them with any standing or dignity. Some also find it even more demeaning to share responsibilities for money and child raising with their wives, which is expected of them in the United States.  So we had been making sure we provided enouragement and help, to avoid their falling into depression.

But the women?  They had always seemed to be the strength of the family group - the ones on which survival actually depends.

"Don't forget that whenever we write back to our relatives we always make it seem as if everything is going well for us here, even when we are facing major difficulties," another former refugee staff member added, "and it seems like an admission of weakness if we have to ask for help."

"That is pretty much the same for those of us who are not former refugees," a volunteer chimed in.  "When we are asked, 'How are you?',  we know, somehow, that the right answer is 'Fine'- not a long list of our health problems or our anxieties".

We all agreed that, when the complications of an unfamiliar set of expectations becomes too much to handle, it is not surprising that a person loses all hope and cannot keep up a positive approach, or the facade of having everything under control.  That led to a discussion about roles women are expected to play. We resolved that we would make a conscious effort to ask even the most confident mother or father, what she or he is really experiencing. And we talked about listening with great care to what is said, and noticing the clues that show things that are not being said.  That kind of sharing is so important to the feeling of belonging that we value, both for our staff and volunteers, and for the families we serve. 

Because our staff and volunteers are skilled at forging relationships with refugee families, they are the key to building the trust that ensures that self-reliance grows steadily and despondency is kept at bay. While they provide the core of what the Network does, you, the donors, provide the energy that fills that core with life, through your donations. You touch the lives of every refugee family we serve.

We invite you once again to share in our end of year matching funds experience with GlobalGiving, early in December. We will need every one of you to make sure we meet the number of donors and the number of dollars that we need in order to have those dollars matched.  In my next report I will be sure to include the details.  Go team!