Youth Victim-Offender Mediation

“I could apologize a million times and mean it every single time. But I know it wouldn’t take away the harm that I’ve caused you and your girlfriend.”

This is what Shawn, 15, said after hearing Jonathan describe what occurred on the night he and Shawn crossed paths.

Jonathan, a young man in his late 20s, had been walking home from a dinner date with his girlfriend Maria when they heard Shawn yelling something from across the street. At first, Jonathan and Maria ignored Shawn’s screams, but soon Shawn approached them both and it became clear that Shawn was disoriented and intoxicated. Jonathan attempted to help Shawn by offering to call someone to pick him up, but Shawn was not in his right mind and the situation soon devolved into violence. Shawn hit Jonathan in the face, pinned Jonathan to the ground and bit him on the arms and legs. Maria’s phone was out of battery, leaving her unable to call 911 while Shawn’s attack continued. A stranger driving by heard their calls for help, pulled over, and separated Shawn from Jonathan. Soon the police arrived and Shawn was arrested.

Shawn was visibly shaken as Jonathan recounted his story in mediation. He was disturbed that he could have behaved in this manner. He didn’t remembered any of it. The night of the incident, Shawn had illegally obtained and over-consumed alcohol to the point where he blacked out.

This case came to CCR through the State’s Attorney’s office as part of a youth diversion program. Jonathan was given the option to participate in mediation. He agreed and confronted Shawn. He expressed that because he didn’t know who Shawn was or why this had happened, he was never sure if Shawn was going to try to find him or one day show up at his home. Jonathan was anxious and stressed and was not sleeping well. He had scars on his body that were a constant reminder of the events of that awful night.

Shawn’s mother Nicole was also present in the mediation. She shared how shocked his family was by this incident. Nicole mentioned that in raising her children, she focused so much on ensuring they were safe and how painful it was for her about the frightening actions of her own son. She felt a sense of guilt and responsibility for Shawn’s actions. She knew he had been struggling and making poor choices – not focusing in school, sneaking out of the house and staying out late. But she did not imagine that Shawn was capable of hurting another person. This incident caused all of them to seek therapy to attempt to understand why and how this happened and what they could do to prevent it from happening again. In therapy, they learned that they were all suffering from PTSD from past traumas and that Shawn had been suppressing a lot of anger and hurt feelings that presented themselves in a violent and unexpected way the night he met Jonathan.

When the mediators asked how each of them could envision a path forward, Shawn repeated many times that he wanted to focus on school, make better choices, stay away from drugs and alcohol, and be a better role model for his nieces and nephews. When the mediators pushed for more specifics, it became clear that he was working on finding the words for his plans and naming the emotions he was experiencing.

Jonathan wanted to reestablish his sense of safety and security. In a private meeting, the mediators asked Jonathan about his level of stress and anxiety now that he’d had a chance to meet with Shawn and talk about the incident. He said that he was feeling much better and that he didn’t feel as scared because he now knew that Shawn was not looking for him and was not going to attack him again. He said it was helpful to talk about the incident and that he was surprised when he learned that Shawn was so young. He wanted Shawn to have a second chance and to see him learn from his mistakes.

When the parties came back together after their private meetings with the mediators, Shawn and Nicole expressed how grateful they were for the opportunity to talk to Jonathan about what happened. They expressed a desire to apologize to Maria and gave Jonathan their contact information in case she wanted to reach out to them.

Nicole tearfully told Jonathan how much he reminded her of the college students she works with every day at her job. She said that seeing him in pain made her think of all the students she cares about and that she wished she could take away the pain that Shawn and her family had caused. She asked Jonathan if she could hug him and they embraced. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

“Thank you,” Jonathan replied.

Shawn reached out to shake Jonathan’s hand, “Thank you for giving me a second chance.”

Jonathan held onto Shawn’s hand and said, “Don’t mess this up.”

“I won’t.” Shawn promised.