Camp Everytown - Social-Emotional Learning

The Courage to Tell My Story

I’m honored to be here today to tell my story, which is hard to tell and may be hard to hear. It fluctuates from lows to highs, but my life has been turbulent so peaks and valleys come with the territory. But it’s also about how Camp Everytown gave me the tools to change my life.

Growing up I was excited about everything around me; I thought cartoons and happy meals were the best things in life. I was pretty social, had some good friends, and I always had a smile at school - not because I loved school, because I mean who does? But it was because school was my outlet. It was my safe place to be that wasn’t home, becausehome was definitely not a safe place for me…

I was living in a home with violence, abuse and poverty – and because I didn’t know any different, I thought it was normal. My mom was a gambling addict and my dad led a life of lies and adultery. Almost every night there was fighting – the sound of breaking dishes became routine. I could take the loud arguments, but when my parents got physical, it really affected me. Instead of happy childhood memories, most of what I can remember was trying to pull my dad off of my mom.

As BIG as this was for me, I didn’t talk about it to anyone until 5^th grade. I was acting out in class, so my teacher took me outside to talk to me. I suddenly broke down, crying to her, telling her that my mom calls me “Stupid, worthless and a bastard like my dad.” And that she said it to me every single day. I don’t know why I broke down to my teacher that day; I didn’t tell her everything because I did not want her to call my parents. Because I was always told to keep things to myself and what happens at home, stays at home.

The bright spot for me was school. I had a 3.8 GPA, all A’s except in that dreaded math class, and I made friends easily. School life was good, but sadly my home life was just getting worse. My dad left us and my older sister, my protector, moved out.

School was still my outlet. I relied on my friends for happiness and stayed away from home as much as possible. I was so comfortable with my friends that I had the courage to tell them I was gay at the age of 12! Of course my mom didn’t take it well, but my friends supported me. And even though I had the courage to come out, I still couldn’t talk about my home life.  All the abuse I experienced left me feeling totally worthless.

I was spiraling down and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I made some bad decisions, many were illegal and I was arrested at age 14. As the officer was talking to me, the only thought in my head was “No one cares about me, so why should I care.”

Getting arrested woke me up. I began telling myself “I’m not going to be the bad person that my mom says I am,” and I wanted to show my dad what he was missing. I started making better decisions, hung out with more positive friends and I actually graduated middle school with a 4.0, proving my mom wrong.

High school was a new adventure and provided some amazing opportunities, and one of them was Camp Everytown. It was an experience I will never forget.

My intentions with Camp Everytown weren’t the greatest. I said to myself “Yes! I get to skip school and get free food? Hell yeah I’m going.”  Never thought I would be returning to school as a changed person. I went to camp thinking we were going to do the stereotypical things we see in movies: making bracelets and singing around a campfire, but boy was I wrong… Camp Everytown was raw. The activities were about real issues affecting society, youth and ourselves. I was blown away. Never would I have thought that we’d be talking about racism, sexism, stereotypes and prejudice, let alone that we would start to open up like we did. There was crying, hugs and tons of emotions erupted from people I never expected, especially me.

One activity we did that really hit me was the privilege line, where we all held hands and were asked a series of questions. Some examples were if you ever had to worry about your next meal take a step back and if you were ever told by your parents that they loved you, take a step forward. In the end, if you were standing in the back, you were the least privileged and if you were in the front you were the most. I ended up towards the back, but boy was I shocked looking around-- some of my friends were standing all the way in the back and my heart dropped. These people I knew who had the brightest smiles were standing back there. They had gone through things I could never imagine and some things that I have experienced. In that moment, I felt my mind open for the first time.

As we all got closer, I felt safe enough to tell my story to one other student. I remember my voice trembling as I tried to hold back my tears. A weight lifted off my shoulders, like a heavy backpack I’ve carried my whole life. I was able to tell her, because I felt safe knowing that she and the others at Camp would understand. I wasn’t alone anymore.

I made tons of new friends from my own school and students from Foothill High school who attended camp with us. And I am proud to say I still keep in touch with them today. Going back home, I looked at the world in a whole new light. I felt enlightened and excited about life again. I became more compassionate and empathetic.

That following summer I interned for a San Jose City Councilmember and embarked on other opportunities – mostly afterschool clubs. My problems at home were still going on, but I kept busy by volunteering, which gave me value.

Camp changed me, it did not change my home life. It was still really bad. There were times when we didn’t have electricity or water, let alone anything in the fridge. And my mom’s new man was gambling too, so the fighting continued. Towardsthe end of my sophomore year, I finally snapped. I was tired of everything and felt helpless. It was a really bad time and I felt completely alone.

I stopped going to school all together for the last month of my sophomore year and in my junior year, I officially dropped out. I felt like I was in a vortex of darkness that no one could understand. I put myself in a shell.

It took time, but through good friends, my shell slowly cracked. I began to have hope again. That memory of Camp Everytown, when I realized, “I’m not the only one going through things -- that other people have power to keep going -- so why can’t I?”

I remembered the joy I felt after sharing my story at camp and I rushed to email my school counselor and poured everything out to her – asking for a second chance to go back to school and to graduate with my friends. When my counselor helped me get back on track with school, I finally felt hopeful.

I got back into school and was back at city hall, but this time with a paid internship. I actually had two jobs then, so that I could buy a car!! That was huge for me, after using public transportation my whole life! I felt OK for once in my life. I wasn’t worrying too much and felt like I was on the right path.

I did graduate with my friends and with honors. At senior honors night, I spoke in front of everyone about my story and I ended my speech with a quote. Muhammed Ali once said “I hated every minute of training, but then I said ‘Don’t quit - suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.” At that moment I felt like a champion.

A lot has changed since then – I have a new outlook on life. Camp Everytown gave me the courage to open up to others and I am blessed to have gained countless friends and mentors along the way who helped me become who I am now. Some of you are here in the room today and I say “thank you”!

Moving forward, I want to inspire other youth who don’t have a support system, who think they don’t matter, just like how I felt all my life. Because guess what? They do matter. Regardless of where we come from, what we’ve been through, the color of our skin, our gender, our sexual orientation, we all deserve to know that we matter.

Camp Everytown made a huge impact on me. It lit a fire inside me. It gave me the tools in here to allow myself to connect to others. That’s a big part of what saved me – the people who heard my story -- heard me -- and cared. I learned to open up to what’s going on around me, to be self-aware, and to be brave. The result is that I have built my own support system and a family I’ve always wanted that I never had. Camp Everytown helped me find the courage to change my life forever. And with that I say thank you FACES and to the Camp Everytown Family. YOU GUYS ROCK!

Thank you.