Army of Angels

Amber’s Story, December 2014

Amber’s story speaks to the impact of community-based children’s mental health services especially for those with the most acute mental health needs. The story is told by Amber’s aunt. She speaks of the deep anxiety caused by having a child with acute mental health needs. The services she found at Kerr changed quality of life for Amber and for her whole family.

Ten years ago my lovely niece Amber came into my life and dramatically changed both or our lives forever.  Amber was three years old when I was caring for her one afternoon, and noticed what looked like strangulation marks on her neck.  I suspected abuse may have been occurring in Amber’s unstable home.  My brother was in prison before Amber was born and back in prison again with a long history of drug abuse.  Amber was being raised by my sister in-law who also is addicted to drugs and was working as a stripper. 

I was hesitant to report this suspected abuse to the Department of Human Services.  I was afraid what would happen to Amber if she was taken from her home and the family conflict this would cause but I knew that Amber needed protection.  I made that difficult phone call to find out there were 12 other phone calls made before mine. 

After an investigation Amber was removed from her home and placed in the Oregon foster care system.  Being a close relative I was asked if I would care for Amber temporally in my home.  Of course I welcomed her with open arms along with my husband and two daughters and faintly realizing the many challenges that lay ahead.  Amber had fetal alcohol syndrome, not potty trained and was not talking in complete sentences.

I just thought loving Amber would fix everything.  But the classes I took from Department of Human Services did not prepare me for Amber’s frequent and extreme tantrums; something I have not experienced raising my children.  My husband who served in the Vietnam after the war equated Amber’s behavior from what he witnessed in Refugee camps.  We had Amber evaluated by a psychologist and sought treatment but her behavior just got worse. 

In third grade Amber was in a special needs and contained classroom.  Due to Amber’s fits the classroom often had to be cleared for the other children’s safety and I was often called to come pick her up from school.  I did not know what to do and was ready to give-up. 

I finally got connected to Albertina Kerr.  Before this nobody educated me how to raise a child with special needs and how very different this was to raising my other children.  I started to look at Amber differently.  Sandra, Albertina Kerr’s Family Coordinator, came to my home and meet with me a weekly.  Kerr’s therapist Chrissy Milner came to work with Amber. 

At first Chrissy did therapy with Amber and this was not effective.  She switched tactics and started some skills training with Amber.  They both build a “picture book and schedule”.  Amber liked and needed structure for her daily schedule and chores and the picture book worked.  They also developed a “fidget bag” full of little items to help Amber cope when she is angry.  There are bubbles for her to blow, poems to read and a spritzer bottle of peppermint to smell.   

Up front Chrissy told me she would be here until the family was strong and could step out of our lives.  At first I was upset, I could not visualize not always needing Kerr’s help.  But eventually, we were able to make the transition. When Kerr did step out of our lives our family was strong, I learned how to be a more effective parent, Amber was better and our family could cope.