Prepare 30 Russian Orphans for Adult Life

 
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$6,693
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Galya
Galya

You've been helping us support young people who are about to take the big step from living in the Russian children's home system to living independently.  Galya is one of the extraordinary people who make this programme possible.  She grew up in a St Petersburg orphanage some time ago and now has three children with her parter.  We have known Galya for several years through our families support group and invited her to speak to our group of young people preparing for independent life.  

During the session Galya talked about how scared she had felt when she first left the children's home.  This struck a chord with the group and they were able to share their own feelings of fear.  It was a great surprise to them that everyone in the group felt the same.  Olga (aged 21) said, "I thought that I was the only one, but now I can see how scared I am even to find out how other people live after the children's home."  Galya shared with them her own experience of overcoming this fear with the help of our support group, and explained how they can use the meetings to change their situation in practical ways.

We are very proud of Galya for not only overcoming her own problems, but for her desire to help others.  She really puts her finger on what they need:

"The guys usually don't want to think about the future, but when I told them about myself and my past, I noticed that they were scared, surprised and delighted.  I can see myself in them, they remind me of my childhood and I would like to help them.  They are given a lot that we didn't have when they leave the children's home [she means welfare payments and free training courses etc], but that doesn't change anything, it doesn't make them any more happy or successful, because they don't know how to use these benefits.  They are terrified that people will con them.  I can see that they want to study and work, but they don't know how to start."

We aim to give our group the starting points they need to grow in confidence and change their lives.  Through your support we are helping our young people recognise their talents and discover new ones.  In the children's home, they will all have done some craft activities and some are quite talented, so we took them to meet stained glass artists to talk about their work.  In the last few months, we also invited our young people to a joint party with our family support group.  We were so glad they came because in the past they have said they can't stand young children.  There was such a friendly atmosphere that everyone got on well together.  Taras particularly enjoyed playing with the children and making up games for them.  Afterwards, he said, "I always thought that I was rubbish with small children, but playing with the kids today helped me see how easy it is."

Please help us build on these promising steps so our young people can find work and prepare for the day when they have their own family.  If you'd like to see your donation go further than usual, you can donate on Wednesday 18th March, when Global Giving will be adding 30% to donations (NB this is not available to UK donors donating via globalgiving.co.uk).  Please e-mail Sarah Gale (sarah.sgf@live.com) if you would like a reminder just before bonus day.

Taras playing with children at our party
Taras playing with children at our party

Success looks different for different people.  For Seraphim, it was a job in the warehouse for a big fashion store in St Petersburg.

Recently we’ve been doing a lot of work with our orphanage-leavers on finding and keeping a job, which is a particularly difficult subject for young people who have been institutionalised.  

Seraphim is 23.  In May he’s enrolled on yet another training course, which would ensure that his living costs were covered.  All through September he thought that May would come round quickly so he didn’t really need to worry.  Then at the end of the month in our discussions he realised that he didn’t have enough to live on.  His welfare payments don’t cover his expenses and his friends are more likely to ask for help than to offer it.  What’s more, he knew he wanted to change his mobile phone, get online, go out with his friends and eat something other than buckwheat porridge. 

So he decided that May was too long to wait for more money.  At first he agreed with his girlfriend that they would help each other.  He would let her live in his flat and she would buy all the food and cook for him.  But soon Seraphim got fed up because he  “began to feel like he was back in the children’s home.  She tells me what to do and checks up on me all the time”.

It was only at this point that he started getting interested in finding a job.  He came to our group sessions and had three individual consultations to work out what he's capable of and what positive character traits he has.   We’ve realised that one of the major problems is that all our young people are terrified of meeting new people.  When they present themselves, the first thing they say is “I grew up in a children’s home”.   They find it very difficult to identify their positive traits or skills, let alone tell others about them. 

After this preparation, Seraphim got an interview and got the job in the warehouse for a fashion store.  Straight away he was given a uniform, a name badge and a pack of official documents.  All of this made him realise he could change his life around.  He is very happy in his work, has met lots of new young people and has found out more about how they live.  Seraphim still comes to our group sessions after work and shares his experiences.

“I went on my break, but I got distracted and was late back.  When I got back, they fired me.  I was so scared that I persuaded them to let me wash the windows as a punishment as long as I could keep my job.  I really value the job and am scared of losing it.  I carry a notebook with me so that I can write down all my tasks, because I find it difficult to remember them.  There’s so much to learn.”

Growing up in an institution, children and teenagers are never allowed to take any responsibility for themselves, even in small things.  So, we do a lot of work to teach them that their actions have consequences and to motivate them to take control of their lives.  It isn’t an easy learning curve, but it’s fantastic to see what a difference getting a job can make.  It’s not just about finances, but about making new friends and taking pride in achieving something that used to be unthinkable.  Above all, our young people stop being victims of circumstances and start being able to shape their lives.

Children in orphanages are showered with gifts from well-meaning donors at this time of year, but you are giving a gift which will last a whole life.  You are teaching them how to flourish as adults.  Thank you!

Seraphim videos his new appartment
Seraphim videos his new appartment

In September, our group of orphanage-leavers started meeting again.  For the first time, some of our members brought friends along, which was great.  Their friends were mainly aged 20-23, the age when state care ends, and young people realise they have to solve their problems completely alone.

Don't get me wrong, the system is generous.  They house them in institutions until they are out of their teens.  They even give them a room or a studio flat when they leave.  The trouble is they don't give them any of the adult skills they need to survive alone, so at 23 many of the young people might as well be ten years younger.

I'd like to tell you about Seraphim, who is one of seven of our young people who has just taken the big step to move into their own appartment.  To start with he thought that he would have to fit a steel door and bars on the windows, he wouldn't be able to tell friends where he was living, so that no-one could rip him off, steal from him, or take his appartment from him.  This is how our young people see the world because in the children's home or at college they tell them what has happened to their peers.  Poor Serpahim didn't have a clue how to cope on his own, but he had been taught how to be terrified.

Fortunately, last season we did a lot of work on how to set up home and start to live independently.  We visited interior design exhibitions, and Seraphim began to imagine what his appartment could be like.  We introduced our group to designers and artists, and meeting such friendly, interesting people made him want to get to get to know his neighbours in his new home.  In practical sessions, he learnt how to order furniture, how to buy DIY material and how to pay the bills.  All of this gave him confidence that he would be able to cope with problems.

This season, Seraphim brought along a video he had made of his appartment.  He proudly explained how he had solved a few problems that had cropped up along the way.  Mostly he had had to deal with his friends, who had tried to scare him.  They told him he shouldn't get any furniture, because the shop would rip him off.  He'd pay and then they wouldn't deliver.  Or the delivery man would know where he lived and come back and rob him.  Seraphim stood firm, and now he is trying to encourage the rest of the group to take the step towards independent adult life.

Good parents gradually give their children more responsibility and show them how to handle it.  All too often, Russian children homes totally institutionalise their residents, giving them no choices and no responsibility, until they have to leave and face life alone.  Thanks to you, we are able to be there for at least some of the young people who will leave St Petersburg's orphanages this year.  We don't solve young people's problems for them.  We give them the skills and the confidence they need to solve them.  Then we enjoy seeing the pride they feel in becoming truly grown up.  Thank you for helping Seraphim and the rest of our group.

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Natalia
Natalia

Natalia is one of three volunteers that helps us support young people as they age out of the orphanage system in St Petersburg.  They all grew up in orphanages themselves and a few years ago they would have struggled to look after themselves.  Now they are desperate to make life easier for the younger ones.

Natalia and the other volunteers tell us how important it is for them to take part in this project, how the worry before every session, how they like to discuss with us how the group is progressing.  They understand what our young people are going through, because they've been there themselves.  They have taken the initiative in inviting members of the group round and introducing them to their family.  It is very important for them to prevent our young people from feeling lonely, to introduce them to life beyond the children's home and to help them get on with people.  Natalia's was a particular help to one of our group-members who was feeling unmotivated.  She encouraged her to keep attending and keep learning.

Natalia and her friends get a huge amount out of volunteering themselves.  All through their childhood they were told they were useless, and here they are helping other people in a way that only they can.  They give friendship and a depth of understanding that we, the experts, can never give.  

We want to celebrate our fabulous volunteers and thank you for giving them a chance to be heros.  Your donations have allowed us to train our volunteers and to give them ongoing support through the year.

Before we go, we have a special message for our UK-based supporters.  Between 1st and 8th September GlobalGiving UK are adding 50% to donations.  This is a great time to make your donation go further.  If you can't make a donation now, we'd be really grateful if you could share this report.  If you'd like a reminder when the bonus week starts, please contact Sarah Gale (sarah.sgf@live.com).  Thank you!

As we break for the summer we're looking back on an eventful year and want to thank you for giving us the opportunity to help so many young people as they make the transition from state care to independent life.

Over the last year we've held 86 group sessions for 18 young people, 55 individual counselling sessions for 15 young people and have supported 11 young people with home visits from a social worker.

Our greatest achievement this year is that our group is really motivated to change their lives rather than waiting for someone to come and do it for them.  This means that we don't depend on staff from their hostel to bring them to meetings any more because they come independently.  The group is also growing organically as our young people bring their friends along.

The group has really gelled and the young people support each other as well as talking their problems through with us.  We have three volunteers who also grew up in orphanages but are a little older and have children.  They tell us how important the meetings are for them and how much they want to help the younger ones not to feel alone in the world.  They have invited group members to their homes and welcomed them into their families in a wonderful way.

Our young people used to be reluctant to come and talk to us individually.  They didn't want the group to think they were weak.  Now, they are keen to talk.  As some of them have started living independently new problems have cropped up that they want to discuss.  They need advice on relationships with neighbours, relatives, and sometimes their parents (they are social orphans in that their parents abandoned them or they were taken into care).  When they leave the orphanage system our young people sometimes want to make contact with their parents but they also feel very understandable anger.  Without help it is very difficult for them to deal with these conflicting emotions.

Marina tells us about her difficulties:

"I suspect that my mum and brother want to take my flat off me.  They are always inviting me round and asking me about my life.  They explain that we are a family, but I don't understand what that means, a family.  I don't feel anything towards them and I don't know what a family is.  That woman, my mum, is crying all the time, but I don't believe a word she says.  I'm sure they want to take their flat.  I've decided not to see them any more."

After a lot of discussion with us, Marina is beginning to build up a relationship with her family.  She has given her mum a mobile phone and they often talk.  She has even started to care a little about them and wants to help her mother, who is disabled.

Another important development is that, thanks to the Global Giving community, we have been able to employ a social worker, who visits young people at home.  This has helped us bring new people into the group who were too nervous at first to join in.  They find it much easier to take the first step on familiar territory.  The social worker has also encouraged several of our young people to take the big step of moving into their own flat.  They help them plan how they will pay their bills and in the group we've been tackling the big fear of living alone after a life-time lived in dormitories.  Our young people worked out that they could ask a friend to come and live with them.

When we start working with young people who grew up in orphanages they usually either say that everything is fine, or that their lives are terrible although usually neither is true.  We need time to get to know them so that we can show them their own strengths and help them start to solve their own problems.  We are very grateful to you all for giving us that time.  We look forward to next year, to meeting more young people needing help, and to supporting this year's group further along their journey.

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Project Leader

Sarah Gale

Crewe, Cheshire Russia

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Map of Prepare 30 Russian Orphans for Adult Life