Bridge to Self Reliance 2000 refugees San Diego CA

"Another fifteen?  Where are these new requests coming from?  Did you get the fifteen I sent to you on Thursday?  And what about the 7 for women?  Who are they for?"

I was amazed how many requests for backpacks with appropriate school supplies we received between June and October 2017; far more than in that period in earlier years.  "Thank goodness for the 100 we had on hand especially earmarked for families who are newly arrived," I thought, "but what else is going on here?"

We had already gathered from donors who regularly help us in this way, 253 backpacks, each carefully marked for an elementary, junior high, or high school child; but each day there were more names appearing on the list.

"I took backpacks to the new family in City Heights', reported Katherine.  "I wish you could have seen the proud look on the faces of the six members of that family who are of school age.  They each put on the right sized bag and paraded past me, showing it, as if it was a king's robe.   They could not have been happier."    The larger average family size now is a factor.  Then again, many children need a bigger pack and different supplies because they are moving up into a different school.  And there are also back packs that become soiled or torn and have to be discarded.  And few refugee families can find the money for the costs involved.

Here we are at the end of January, and we had to gather another 264 packs beyond the original 253, plus the 7 that were requested by women going to English classes and to other learning experiences.  Special thanks is due to the local donors who willingly scoured the shops for rapidly disappearing backpacks, in order to make sure the children and some of their mothers could join their classes looking like real students.  And thanks to all of you who make it possible for staff to make those lists and deliver the appropriate backpacks. 

"I have never been to school before", confided one high-schooler. "Now I have the same things that other kids have.  It makes me feel not so scared."   What an important step towards his future success!

  "Something strange is happening", reported one of our caseworkers, as a group of staff and volunteers was sharing experiences.  " Three different times in the past six months, I have met a young mother, who looked energetic and full of enthusiasm as she collected a food donation or found clothes or household items in our storage area. And then each of them died, less than 4 days later. That has never happened before."

That was certainly startling and we set about wondering what the connection might be.  We knew that the men in most  refugee communities often become very depressed when they can not find jobs which provide them with any standing or dignity. Some also find it even more demeaning to share responsibilities for money and child raising with their wives, which is expected of them in the United States.  So we had been making sure we provided enouragement and help, to avoid their falling into depression.

But the women?  They had always seemed to be the strength of the family group - the ones on which survival actually depends.

"Don't forget that whenever we write back to our relatives we always make it seem as if everything is going well for us here, even when we are facing major difficulties," another former refugee staff member added, "and it seems like an admission of weakness if we have to ask for help."

"That is pretty much the same for those of us who are not former refugees," a volunteer chimed in.  "When we are asked, 'How are you?',  we know, somehow, that the right answer is 'Fine'- not a long list of our health problems or our anxieties".

We all agreed that, when the complications of an unfamiliar set of expectations becomes too much to handle, it is not surprising that a person loses all hope and cannot keep up a positive approach, or the facade of having everything under control.  That led to a discussion about roles women are expected to play. We resolved that we would make a conscious effort to ask even the most confident mother or father, what she or he is really experiencing. And we talked about listening with great care to what is said, and noticing the clues that show things that are not being said.  That kind of sharing is so important to the feeling of belonging that we value, both for our staff and volunteers, and for the families we serve. 

Because our staff and volunteers are skilled at forging relationships with refugee families, they are the key to building the trust that ensures that self-reliance grows steadily and despondency is kept at bay. While they provide the core of what the Network does, you, the donors, provide the energy that fills that core with life, through your donations. You touch the lives of every refugee family we serve.

We invite you once again to share in our end of year matching funds experience with GlobalGiving, early in December. We will need every one of you to make sure we meet the number of donors and the number of dollars that we need in order to have those dollars matched.  In my next report I will be sure to include the details.  Go team!